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Three patients come into the hospital complaining of tummy pains. Here are their stories.

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Robert is in his 70s this year, he has been controlling his HIV well for many years up until recently where it seems he has had a relapse. He looked unkempt and malnourished and it felt like his pains may be from a lack of food. Initially, he says that his tummy pains have been bothering him for years, but when asked to elaborate, he speaks tangentially and paints an inconsistent story that almost hinges on confabulation. When quizzed, he is able to accurately state where he lives and how he got to the hospital; but is unable to state what year it is or do simple mathematics.

His son who moved out last year pointed out that on occasions, Robert was unable to tell family members apart and had started forgetting how to operate his circuit box. Thankfully, when family visited, it still seemed like Robert was coping adequately whilst staying alone.

It seemed like Robert's tummy pains were the least of his concerns now. His agnosia and apraxia are suggestive of a progressive loss of executive function. What was causing this? Is this cognitive impairment causing him to forget to take his medications thus leading to a relapse of his HIV? Or is his relapse of HIV causing him to have this cognitive impairment?

A MRI of his brain revealed a large growth in his frontal lobe. Neurosurgeons are involved, families are called down, radiologists debate the nature of this growth. The path forward seems convoluted now.

Do you put a 70 year old man through invasive brain surgery to find out if his growth is benign, malignant, infectious, or something else altogether? If he does go through surgery, you'd have to plan for the best possible resources to aid in his post operative rehabilitation. If he doesn't, then you'd have to prepare for when he starts declining and be unable to care for himself.

A multidisciplinary discussion was had with Robert's family, and the decision to proceed with surgery was made. In blessed fashion, his surgery was uneventful and his growth was a benign tumour. Robert's road to recovery was not an easy one and ensuring he had sufficient community support was challenging but eventually Robert went home with his loving family.
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Abdul is a 50 year old man who came in after a fall. He seemed well, apart from a few bruises. That was until halfway through the day where he developed a sudden searing pain in his abdomen.His heart rate skyrocketed, blood pressure plunged as he went into shock. Initial efforts at resuscitation bought some time for further investigations to be done.

Blood work revealed a drop in his haemoglobin levels as well as an increased blood clotting time. A CT scan revealed a haematoma at least 1L in volume. Abdul was bleeding into his abdominal wall from acquired haemophilia.

His body was flooded with donated blood and he was promptly started on immunotherapeutics. It was a stormy month for Abdul, where he developed new bleeds that would bring him close to the brink of death every few days. One could only imagine the mental turmoil Abdul experienced each time he experienced a setback. Nonetheless, the medical team stoodfast and stabilised him each time.

One day, his blood work indicated a remission of his haemophilia and Abdul was able to make a recovery.
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James was 83 this year. He had a peculiar gnawing pain in his epigastrium that went to his spine. It had been bothering him for a month, but honestly, it was more of a slight discomfort to James than anything.

If his family gave him a choice, he would have preferred to stay home watching TV and spending time with the grandkids. But his daughter was concerned as James had lost a considerable amount of weight. True enough, James was found to have metastatic pancreatic cancer.

At 83 with a diagnosis of metastatic pancreatic cancer, James' prognosis was grim. He mentions that he has had a fruitful life and was blessed with a loving family. He treasured his independence and valued his quality of life. Was it a surprise when he expressed that he only wanted palliation? It was to his family; his daughters could not understand why their usually healthy father could so easily say no to life.

The family conference was an emotional one. James was able to convince his family of his wishes. The healthcare team worked together to ensure the family had all the available resources to allow James to pass away comfortably at home.
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A long read I know, but here's a few questions.

Did you manage to stick through the entire trilogy? If so - perhaps medicine may be for you?

Which story did you find the most engaging? I myself am not sure yet. Do I enjoy the diagnostic process, the treatment process, or the communication aspect? Can I aspire for holism? I can only hope to have an answer in the next few years.

Get yo K on

Hello.

Welcome back.

Its been a long 2 years.

I'm sure you're all dying from suspense; quivering with excitement 

What could the next post be about?

Years of careful thought, days of grueling trial and error, culminating to this very moment.

Providing you with adequate warm up and good dial back moments whilst ensuring hype not only remains but is built up gradually to an explosive finale 

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado

I present to you 

Blutackbuddy's karaoke song set list (patent pending)

Set A 

Say you're with a group of people who don't really sing English songs, but they were still exposed to the mainstream ones along the way. This set not only helps you remind them how great English songs are, but also exposes them to the wonders at the fringes of what is mainstream.

What about now - daughtry

Castle on the hill - Ed Sheeran

Come alive - The Greatest Showman

LA devotee - Panic! at the disco 

Holiday - Green day

I don't wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith

Magic - B.o.B

Numb - Linkin park

Counting stars - Onerepublic

Holding out for a hero - Bonnie Tyler

Set B

By the lucks of heaven, you've found a group of friends with girls and guys that are keen to have duets with you. 

But remember, not every song has to be a collaboration, you have to integrate different people into your repertoire of kickass songs 

Quintessentially, remember to read the room. Knowing when to skip to the next song and potentially playing around with its order is key to this playlist

Angels - Robbie Williams

Bop bop baby - Westlife

Every breath you take - The police and Robert Downey Junior

Need you now - Lady Antebellum

Love never felt so good  - Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake

Two is better than one - Boys like girls and Taylor Swift

20 dollar nosebleed - Fall Out Boy and Brandon Urie/Save rock and roll - Fall Out Boy and Elton John

Wellerman - Nathan Evans* *Disclaimer - untested*

Nothing's gonna stop us now - Starship

You're the one that I want - John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John

Crazy little thing called love - Queen

New divide - Linkin Park

Set C 

Lets say you and the boys have predrank the shit out of that gin and tonic. You guys decide that its a great idea to head to the closest karaoke booth.

By the time you reach there, you're high as shit and ready to spit some lyrics although you know you probably can't.

Remember, the key to quick lyrics are confidence and random articulation; both of which you've already got pat down thanks to that last shot you had.

Airplanes - B.o.b and Haley Williams *controversial - overused*

Billionaire - Bruno Mars and Travie mcCoy

Feel good inc - Gorillaz/ Beggin - Madcon

Dance, dance - Fall out boy

Uptown funk - Bruno Mars and Mark ronson

Fergalicious - Fergie/American boy - Estelle and Kanye West 

Higher - Taio cruz

The sweet escape - Gwen Stefani and Akon 

I gotta feeling - The Black Eyed Peas

Faint - Linkin Park 

Set D

Screw it, todays the day you test the limits of your vocal prowess 

No surprise - Daughtry 

Demons - Imagine Dragons

The house of the rising sun - The Animals/ The temple of the King - Rainbow

Secrets - onerepublic

What a catch, Donnie - Fall out boy

Emperor's new clothes - Panic! at the disco

The great escape - Boys like girls

Stop and stare - Onerepublic

Your man - Josh Turner

Famous Last words - My Chemical Romance

Into the unknown - Panic! at the disco

Alright peeps, that's all for the post. Remember, these aren't set playlists, mix and match the songs but ALWAYS read the room. Now go get your karaoke on.

Of Dragons and Dungeons

Little is known about Warfarin the Changeling, and little does he know about himself as well. Changelings are born as deformed ugly creatures of nature. It is only through their deceit and expansive memory that they are able to assume countless identities and do what they are known for. Aagravon the elusive, was one such changeling who spent years deceiving and fighting his way to the top of criminal orc syndicate. Lawful paladins and knights spent years looking to bring the slippery chieftain to justice but every attempt resulted in slit throats and Aagravon simply manipulating his way out.
Eventually, each victory and escape only served to bolster his arrogance, and Aagravon grew bold in his aspirations. Aspiring to steal the forbidden treasure, he arrived in the village of the Aarakocras alone. His advisories and subordinates were all too cowardly and he had to show them who was boss... Little is known of what transpired in the village that day, but nothing was ever heard of him again. Far away in the plains of the river Esk, a wounded changeling clings on to life. He couldn't remember a face to give him an identity; neither could he recall a memory to even remember his name. All he had was a bow in one hand, and a bracelet in the other.
He looked down at the bracelet and read "Warfarin".

Chicken Soup for the Medical Student's Soul

The following post follows the story of Aaron Tan, a third year medical student sent out into the land of general practice for the first time ever. A foreign and uncharted land, what tales shall Aaron bring back from his maiden voyage into the unknown? Here are his top 5 moments.

5

It was Aaron’s last day of his attachment. Bittersweet with a hint of dreariness for it has been a relatively uneventful day. His supervisor had been entertaining and engaging but the knowledge of impending exams and the lack of variety has taken its toll on his psyche. Things were not looking good for this keen bean. That was until this middle aged lady came in complaining of chest pain, palpitations, presyncope on exertion 1 week ago. She had a similar episode waking her up from her sleep 3 days ago. Initially hesitant to have Aaron sitting in during the consult, she eventually decided to allow it.

Cheerful but facetious at first, Aaron watched in amazement as his supervising doctor skilfully yet subtly coaxed the lady to open up to her. Details regarding the lady’s distresses were eventually shared with the doctor in a tearful manner. Aaron wishes he was more of an approachable character but he understands that it was a privilege to have even been in the room in the first place. He was sent out of the room just as the lady broke down in tears.

4

Brimming with potential and hope for the future, this newlywed couple and their 12 week old baby has come in for a regular check-up. The husband, a hardworking man who works most of the time and good at handling his daughter. The wife, a loving mother who has some difficulty in speaking English. She has been living in this foreign land for a while, away from family, and her closest friend had recently gone home.

The loving mother broke down as she describes her disappointment of not being able to produce enough breastmilk for her daughter. She struggled to find the words to express herself but heart wrenching sobs were all that came through her mouth.

A true conversational gymnast; her doctor weaved through the conversation moving between medical facts, consoling words and light hearted jokes. Tensions and emotions were relieved, and the loving mother smiled for the first time throughout the hour long consult. Impressive.

3

For all weekend, this eager and excited medical student has been hyping himself up. Hours of envisioning, minutes of simulation practice, and seconds of ecstatic excitement. Today was the day. 5 patients booked in, and a friendly doctor. He checked his smile and attire, “I look approachable” he thought to himself.

Things were looking good. The first one he watched and assisted. Prepare the equipment, position the patient, point the light. Insert the speculum and dilate. Sanitize and apply the local anaesthetic. Measure the fundal height to pre-set the device. Insert the device and draw back its sheath. Wait 10 seconds and voilà! Mirena inserted! Trim the strings and check for patient comfort too, of course, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.

The medical student was now ready to do an insertion under supervision. 4 more patients to go, and all they had to do was agree to allow him to help out... Rejected, rejected, rejected, and not even allowed to be in the room. Oh well, but at least you got to see one.

2

The hormone cortisol is more commonly known as the stress hormone. It controls metabolism, blood pressure, inflammation, and basically helps get us ready for a fight or flight response. Addison’s disease occurs when an individual’s adrenal glands are unable to produce enough cortisol for the body. Someone with Addison’s disease has to take steroid medications every day to ensure that his body remains balanced.

Stop taking your medications, or develop a bad case of gastroenteritis, and your body stops absorbing the steroid medications it needs. Your body goes into an Addisonian crisis.

Nausea, vomiting, hypotension, hypoglycaemia and an altered mental state. An ambulance was called. Suspense was ringing in the air. Aaron asked for permission to insert a cannula just before the patient is taken into the ambulance. He ran through a mental simulation quickly and started prepping the patient. In the corner of his eyes, he noticed his supervising doctor briefing the nurse on what to do if he missed. Flashback. All was good in the world.

1

It was Aaron’s third day of placement. He had had a good run so far with lots of new experiences and people to meet. To add on to his rapidly growing list of experiences, he was allowed to tag along on an impromptu home visit.

The patient was an old lady under palliative care. She had multiple chronic diseases and has been asking to be allowed to die for a few years now. Aaron was nervous, he was unsure of how to behave in a patient’s house.

He smiled. She was lovely. Sitting up and smiling despite her struggling to breathe. In a soft, wobbly voice she says that she has fallen 3 times since her last home visit 5 days ago, and did not feel like taking her medications today. “Is everything okay?” the doctor asked.

The old lady broke down in tears. Her son and main carer had passed away 3 months ago. “A part of me thought that if I fell, he would come and help me up. He promised that he would be here to take care of me.”

“I know, no mother should ever have to watch their children die. But this is just grief, it’ll get better, you just have to let yourself feel the emotions.”

“It should have been me. If the devil come around to take me this morning, I would have gone with him.”

The old lady looked up at Aaron with her weeping eyes, “You’re going to become a doctor like Laura and help old people like me right?”

Aaron looked back into her eyes and replied, “I want to.”

Social Cicada's guide to the Social Spectrum Vol. 2

"Best publication in recent years! - 5/5 stars" - Rotten Potatoes

"A very well researched and entertainingly written insight into the little known world of social animals" - Manzys Institute for Research

"The most prolific writer of the 21st century!" - Mom

"I want more!" AP
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After selling out worldwide and undergoing multiple reprints, touched by months of adoring fan mail and public interviews, the writer of "The Social Cicada’s guide to the Social Spectrum" is back with his new release - Social Cicada's guide to the Social Spectrum Vol. 2.

Extrapolating from works of the renowned naturalist Charles Darwin, the Social Cicada's guide to the Social Spectrum Vol. 2 recognizes that social animals, like the animals of the natural world, adapt and evolve.

On the Origin of Species introduced the world to the concept of natural selection, whereby species evolve and diversify based on their ability to survive and reproduce. This concept is not lost on the Social Spectrum. The social characteristics of people are constantly being influenced by their need to survive and reproduce. Expose someone to a certain social environment for long enough and eventually, their social characteristics get selected out and they become a whole new animal.

So without further ado. You've asked for it! You've demanded for it! Ladies and Gentlemen, back by popular demand, I present to you - Social Cicada's guide to the Social Spectrum Vol. 2 !

Purchase the full version here for only $9.99
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The Social Deer

Deers live their life quietly in forests fearing that the slightest sound they make may alert the hungry wolves to their presence. In most cases, they fail to realize that the threat of a predator is non-existent. Dangerous predators have all been hunted down by humans, leaving them the potential to roam wild and free, if they choose to do so. The biggest threat to a deer however, is being caught in the headlights of a car. A weird phenomenon it is, when a deer simply freezes in front of an approaching car despite all its natural instincts to move out of the way. Much, like a Social Deer who freezes when being talked to.

The Social Anglerfish

The anglerfish is a deep sea fish that lures its prey via a long glowing growth on its head. This form of predation is much like the favorite activity of the Social Anglerfish - Fishing.

The deep sea is a dark and lonely place. Anglerfishes often find themselves starved for days resulting in them consuming any fish they meet. If you've never seen the surprised eyes of a fish when they realize the friendly glowing orb they've been swimming with, has led them into the gaping mouth of a hungry anglerfish. Try looking at the eyes of someone who has just started talking to an over-eager Social Anglerfish.

The Social Caterpillar

Hemeroplanes triptolemus is an internet famous caterpillar. For purposes of simplicity and classification, it is assumed that all Social Caterpillars are in actuality Social Hemeroplanes triptolemus-es (one can immediately recognize the benefits of this simplification).

"Is it a snake?" you may ask. And that is exactly what this caterpillar wants you to think. Social caterpillars spend their life trying to be something they are not. They think they have to be as cool as snakes to survive in the world. Do they?

At the end of the day, while one or two birds of prey may be warded off by the caterpillar's act, this mimicry doesn't ward off many insects that may attack the caterpillar. Besides, it's exhausting pretending to be snake don't you think?

A common misconception is that the Social Caterpillar would eventually undergo metamorphosis to become a Social Butterfly. Metamorphosis is not evolution. This caterpillar turns into a moth that spends its life chasing after the warm glow of a light bulb.

The Social Mushroom

An important part of the ecosystem, mushrooms grow by absorbing nutrients from material around them.The Social Mushrooms thrives in environments with lots of close-by individuals for them to siphon social energy from. Mushrooms do not undergo photosynthesis, much like a Social Mushroom does not produce his own enthusiasm. However, most mushrooms are either fantastically delicious, or strikingly psychedelic which makes them pretty alright. After all, social mushrooms are pretty fun-guys.

The Social Bacteria

Bacteria come in many shapes and sizes, but they all have one thing in common. They proliferate, they infect, and they are hard to stop. With the advent of antibiotics in the 20th century came the emergence of antibiotic resistance. Nowadays, it has become common for someone to be infected by Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus aureus, or multi-drug resistant enterococci. 

The Social Bacteria infects whole populations. Let your guard down once on your hand hygiene and the next thing you know, you're being socialized with. The Social Bacteria quickly adapts to each social environment to overcome any resistance that may be posed by clique formations or the classic resting bitch face. 

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Great show

I wanna take a moment to do a shout out. It's not my modus operandi to write such casual off-hand posts but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Movies are no longer what they once were. In the current age of show biz, every movie produced is either part of a cinematic universe or a Kevin Hart comedy. To go to a cinema now usually means one of two things:

1. Over-analyzing and detailed concentration in attempts to detect every intricate Easter egg hidden between the lines of a delicately written Marvel movie.

or

2. Dumb humor accentuated by hawt gals.

This wasn't the case when I recently watched The Greatest Showman on New Years eve (which by the way is also a great movie.). The Greatest Showman was an amazing show. It combined inspiring messages with amazing songwriting, acting and storytelling to give me a feeling I haven't felt in a long time.

Believe me, I am a huge fan of the marvel cinematic universe. I enjoy keeping up to date with every TV series and movie and correlating them. However, to enter a movie not expecting much and exit feeling inspired; that's a movie that doesn't come by frequently nowadays.

Every character in the movie was so relatable it was like I was them. The songs were very well written and if you haven't heard them I highly recommend so.

A Million Dreams and Never Enough really resonated with me.

So anyway. Thank you, Hugh Jackman for helping make this show possible ( I saw in an interview that he had been planning for this movie for about 7 years.), and huge props to the great acting by the rest of the cast.

Alright, fangay moment over. Out.

PEP TALK 2018 NEW YEAR NEW SHIT

Mankind. Voracious and insatiable. Impulsive and ruthless. Give him an apple, he'll take the entire plantation. Give him the moon, he'll ask for the universe. Give a man a fish, and he'll come back the next day, to over-saturate the fishing industry and decimate the entire ocean's population.

For as long as there has been light, there has been darkness. (For the following analogy to work, do ignore the fact that darkness existed before light.) And for as long as there was life, there has been greed (not hope). Every plant competes for sunlight, water, space. Every herbivore competes for the tastiest weed. Don't do drugs. And every carnivore fights for more bacon. That is life, always hankering for more.

But one species takes greed to the next level. No longer is competition simply about basic resources like food and water. Men lust for wealth, for knowledge, for technology, fame, power, sex and just about anything their minds can imagine. Millennials lust for stronger WiFi signals and Asian children lust to bring "HONOR TO THY FAMILY".

Greed is good. It makes us want to achieve more. To discover the bizarre and explore the unknown. To recognize our true capabilities and push us even further beyond. To extend our reach to the stars above. Jesse! James! Team Rocket! Blast off at the speed of light!

(It was right there. I couldn't help it... Ok, back to the topic.)

Why do we stop striving for more? Some chalk it down to pure laziness, while others blame their inborn inadequacy. I choose to believe that the mediocrity of the human race lies in what we call, contentment.

We become content with our achievements and accept that we are unable to push for more. How does the saying go again? Human potential is limitless? Or was that stupidity.

As we struggle to improve ourselves, we start looking at our past failures, our aptitude for laziness and complacency, our self worth and insecurities.

It feels good to stop pushing yourself. It feels good to sit back and enjoy what you have achieved in life. And I agree with that once in a while. Contentment is, after all, something that many religions sought after. But in the long run,  that sets a mental barrier that limits what we can achieve. Perhaps it was Man's potential for stupidity that was limitless.

Look I know, almost everyone has heard this chain of thought from someone somewhere at some point of their life. And we all get it, you can do anything you set your mind to. But everyone needs a reminder once in a while. Get self-aware, get motivated, and get going.

Hold up. We're not done here yet. Get going where?

You can't apply pure motivation and effort blindly. Greed and motivation may provide the strength to draw the bow. But, passion. Passion is the target. Fail to realize your true passion and you may shoot someone else's target. Fail to focus on your passion and you may shoot some poor guy in the ass. So ask youself, what is your true passion?

For years, I never really understood passion. Tons of articles on the internet describing passion as some sort of abstract force that people struggle to understand. Articles that I never really understood; articles that I scoffed at for over-complicating something so straightforward. I thought, that my passion was to always challenge myself academically. I thought my passion was to become a doctor.

Well, maybe part of me still feels so. But I no longer think that passion is as simplistic as a single goal. I believe that passion can be generalized into many small aspects of one's life. I believe that it is okay for someone's passion to be shallow and selfish. I believe that passions shift as life changes, but we should never forget past aspirations.

My passions are:
To always challenge myself, to take the paths that will always challenge me the most.
To impress and compete with people that are close to me.
To interact with others and have a positive impact on them.
To be good at the things I do, regardless of how trivial they may be.

I will always want to achieve more. I will always strive to be better. As such, I may always, be inadequate. I may always be insecure of my self-worth. Because I am never at where I want to be. It's exhausting when I'm trying and distressing when I lose focus. But it is what it is.

This is me reminding myself. To keep going, to keep pushing. Because that's what it's always been. Stop lazing around, and start maximizing life.

And for the rest of you. No homo.

If you think about it

If you think about it... ...

What are you saying? Was I not thinking before I spoke? Am I not capable of thought? ... ... You think I'm stupid don't you? 

No. Well. I. didn't say that.

Or does anyone that has a differing opinion from yours be considered an idiot incapable of thought? Aren't you just the smartest human being alive?

That's, not what I meant.

Then what DID you mean? That I did not think my opinion thoroughly before speaking? Well maybe you could share your chain of thought instead of questioning my views and education like they were definitely moronic. 

I just thought... ...

You thought NOTHING. So get your self-entitled condescending self outta here. I don't discuss things with assholes like you. 

*The whole world is filled with billions of people with different upbringings, educations, and experiences. So please, show some understanding if someone thinks its okay to shit on the dining table.You're not always right.*

So this is how the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.

The world isn't the same these days. It's been a long time, since we could drink water without wearing our mouthpieces. But that's fine by me, the water used to be stinky and bitter. Now, it just stings a little.

My grandpa tells me, there used to be a time where food had substance. I'm not sure what he meant by that, but he did tell me that it was grown using chemicals in a giant test tube. Synthetic meat he called it, or something like that. I can't imagine how that might be better than simple dish of fried worms and roaches, mom says grandpa's a little confused these days.

I can't remember the last time I saw the color green. Not since the power went out. These days, the only light you get are from fires. But dad says I gotta conserve the wood or we won't be able to find our oxygen tanks. I guess this would be the last time I get to read my storybook before it's burnt for the winter.

It's a shame that all the imaginations by the ancient people would be burnt. The ancient people were so creative, they dreamt about animals that could fly up high and called them birds. They dreamt about animals that could glide through water and called them fish. They dreamt about light coming from the sky from something called a Sun. My favourite is an enormous creature they called a whale that could swim great distances and had a mouth that could swallow me whole. I wonder how there could be enough water for it to swim in though...silly ancient people.

Last night, I overheard mom and dad talking about going somewhere. That if we stayed we would starve, and everyone else was doing it. It's true, I haven't seen Jeremy Phillips in awhile. Mr Phillips did come over the other day though, I asked him where Jeremy was. He said he went to Nova Vita, but before I asked him where that was, mom told me to go to my room...grown ups.

I really do hope that if we go to Nova Vita, that it would be a place with much more roaches. Its getting hard to find them these days and I'm feeling hungrier each day. Dad doesn't seem too keen about it though, he looks at me sad whenever Nova Vita is mentioned. The same look he had when grandma left.

I haven't seen grandma since.

WITHDRAWAL OF SALES ITEM

Dear readers,

Due to unforseen circumstances, we regret to inform you that the sales item offered in the blog post: ONE BOYFRIEND FOR SALE is currently out of stock.

Details regarding when we would receive a new shipment of the product is unclear. The blutackbuddy.blogspot.com team would like to apologize for any inconvenience and disappointment caused.

For readers that have already ordered the sold out product, blutackbuddy.blogspot.com hereby offers free copies of another of our best seller: The Social Cicada's guide to the Social Spectrum . Simply click the purchase link in the preview and provide the promo code "NO BOYFRIEND" to receive your free copy.

We thank you for your kind understanding and hope you would continue visiting blutackbuddy.blogspot.com for your future reading, purchasing and entertainment needs.

Deepest apologies and warmest regards,
The blutackbuddy.blogspot.com team

Oh. My. God.

Discussing physics theories, studying for a PhD, or expressing your political views. Nothing makes one feel smarter than expressing their baseless views on religion. Is there a god? Is there an afterlife? Is there free will? Is there a meaning to life? Is global warming real? Is there a monster under your bed? Is your mother lying when she says you look good? Countless questions with millions of reasonable answers.......well, except that last question, we all know that.

So strap yourself up guys, because the prolific writer of blutackbuddy.blogspot.com is going to take you on a 5-part epic saga through his self-validated, self-affirmed views of the world. You may feel your opinions bubbling up, or your disagreement burning out of control. But fret not, my word is the truth. Anyone who disagrees with me will be punished, worse than the time your father flicked your dong for not listening to him.

On a higher power
The age-old question between atheists and the rest of the world - You can't prove that there is no god. No! You can't prove that there is a god either! If there is a god why is there evil? It doesn't matter whether there is a god, be a good person! No! We have to decide if there's a god! Why? So that someone can forgive you for killing your sister's pet hamster? Or so you can find some explanation and solace in how bad you look? Blah, blah blah....

Okay, I promise I'll stop with the ugly jokes soon (Just one more! You can do this!). But in all seriousness, I'm not interested in the philosophical repercussions of there being a higher power. 

Although, if you're deeply entranced by my views on life and must know, I just think that everyone should do good, not just for himself but for society, never regret or doubt, and always challenge the unknown. (Amen?) 

So yes, back to the bold header, is there, a higher power? I believe so. Although not one that is omnibenevolent, but more like, someone playing the Sims, with a really sweet computer (PC master race can I hear a hooyah?).  The classic argument that a being cannot be omnipotent and omniscient while being omnibenevolent, if there is so much suffering in the world.

Ever heard of dimensional theory? The one where the 0th dimension is a dot, 1st dimension - a line, 2nd dimension - a square, 3rd dimension - a cube, etc. We progress between each dimension by multiplying each dimension an infinite number of times, i.e. a line is made of an infinite number of dots. A being in the 2nd dimension, would never be able to see in the third dimension, and a being in the 3rd dimension (us) would never be able to see in higher dimensions.

However, we are still able to look and influence lower dimensions. Like when we draw on a 2D paper image. So that's my theory, our higher power, may very well be some kid, or maybe scientist (if that makes you feel better) in a higher dimension, that is experimenting or playing with us. He doesn't care or know everything happening in this little toy of his, how could he? We ourselves can look at a 2D picture or a dot but not understand what is happening in there.

You may argue that this higher being, could truly be good and benevolent. You could argue that while our higher power could be a kid with a toy, it could also be a well-educated, wise Tibetan monk that knows what he's doing. Perhaps like a skillful Sim player that isn't looking for entertainment, but to create something lovely. You could also argue, that you're not ugly (There! That's the last one!).

However, like I said, my word is the truth, and if you don't agree with me, you're an ass and I'm telling my mommy. 

The social cicada’s guide to the social spectrum.

Socializing. Strange thing isn’t it? You get thrown into a group of strangers you’ve never known, your mind flusters, your heart palpitates and time itself freezes. Do you, A, hastily retreat into a corner like a trapped animal. B, go forth and embrace your inner social demon. Or maybe you’re more of a C; a social germ that only cultures in the right conditions.

The array of different personalities in humanity is vast. A spectrum of personalities more diverse than the stars in the sky.        Sorry, what?

Types of personalities in the world = world population + multiple personalities = 7.4 billion plus about 20 million (Ceteris Peribus).

Number of stars in the sky = greater than 100 billion?

Okay, fine. The wide spectrum of different personalities in humanity is comparable to the size of your mom.

But I’ve got better things to do than to list the things in the universe bigger than your mom, no matter how short that list might be. Through careful research during my occasional social flooding as a Social Cicada, I’ve compiled, I’ve tested, I’ve ascertained and today I bring you snippets from the highly acclaimed book: The Social Cicada’s guide to the Social Spectrum!

Full version available online for only $12.99, get yours today here!

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The Social Cicada

Pharaoh Cicadas live underground for 17 years before emerging from the ground, loud and lively, looking to mate. In rare but disastrous occasions of flooding however, underground Cicadas are forced to emerge from the ground, seeking the solace of dry ground with many other insects that are likely to do the same thing. Similar to them, Social Cicadas live awkwardly with their head in the ground for extended periods of time until faced by a biblical flood of socialism that forces them to mingle. 

The Social Wallflower

Like the name, or as Emma Watson suggests, Social Wallflowers live their social life at the walls of a social event. Respirating, observing, and soaking in the light of a dim wall lamp. Social Wallflowers differ from Social Cicadas in two main ways similar to their zoological counterparts. Flowers typically grow together in a field and are bunched together into a nice bouquet of Social Wallflowers you see at a gathering, unlike the Cicada which sucks on tree roots like how a Social Cicada sucks his thumb at his social predicament. 

The other difference, is the difference in appeal of the Wallflowers vs. the Cicadas towards the Social Butterflies (Page 89)

The Social Butterfly

Universally known for their enchanting wings, the butterfly flutters from flower to flower everyday. Just like how a Social Butterfly floats between people, Wallflowers included. Everyone enjoys being with a Social Butterfly. No depiction of a beautiful garden is complete without frolicking buterflies. And no Disney princess can be truly named one without the ability to have a butterfly land on her fingers. 

But of course, by applying common principals of the food chain, one can infer that the Social Butterfly cannot be associated with certain entities for fear of becoming by-product of evolution. One common example of this would be their interactions with Social Cicadas. Beautiful, majestic creatures, just do not match well with those underground bottom feeders.

The Social Bumblebee

One common mistake to inexperienced social analyzers would be the difference between the Social Butterfly and the Social Bumblebee. Similar in many ways, butterflies and bumblebees are vital in the pollination of flowers, day after day, they go from flower to flower collecting nectar. However, if one were to get acquainted with a Social Bumblebee the difference would soon be evident. A bumblebee works its whole life collecting nectar to make honey for its queen, much like how a Social Bumblebee socializes as if he was answering to a higher power. No part of his existence would be meaningful if he does not attain gratification from his social targets. 

In addition, if you aren't a social bumblebee, try stealing honey from one of them, you'll soon realize that bees sting.

The Social Beast

A mythological animal, the Social Beast comes in many forms. A werewolf, a gargoyle, a vampire, what these all have in common is their insatiable thirst for human flesh. Much like the Social Beast's thirst for human interaction. As deep underground living in your parent's basement as you are, as hidden in the closet as your sexuality is, the Social Beast will hunt you down, he will find you, and he will, socialize with you. 

The Social Demon

If one were to be familiar with Revelation from the New Testament, one would know about how demons possess and influence people; maliciously propagating evil in proportions as extensive as the biblical plague. A Social Demon does just that, he engulfs entire communities, socializing, attaining followers much like the Whore of Babylon. No one is safe from Judgement Day where life ends, as we know it. No one except of course, the usual inhabitants of pestilence: disgusting, virulent insects, like the persistent Social Cicada. 

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We accept the love we think we deserve.

Brad and Emily were doctors in their early 30s. Talented, aspiring and dedicated. The both of them were known for topping their classes and thrilled when they were offered to work under their world renowned boss, Dr Anthony.
Anthony on the other hand was in his late 40s. Eccentric yet incredibly intelligent, Anthony had a knack for sarcasm, often leaving many doctors that work under him speechless and doubting their intelligence.

The following story happens late into the night, in an old 80s cafe where the 3 colleagues, Brad, Emily and Anthony were seated around a small table having supper after a long day at the hospital. As they recalled past events, they laughed loudly and the atmosphere was just happy and comfortable.

EARLIER THAT DAY

A Caucasian male was rushed to the hospital after a severe car accident. Emily being the first doctor on the scene quickly accessed him by checking his pupils and breathing, the patient only responded by starting to seize. Hands flailing, legs kicking, the nurses panicked as the patient proved far too strong for them to hold down until Brad arrived to help stabilize him.

"Thank god someone's been working out", Emily smiled at Brad while attaching an IV drip to the patient.

Brad smiled back. "Nah, I'm just naturally strong."

The case of the Caucasian Male proved to be more complicated than just trauma from an accident as more symptoms surfaced along with the day. Doctors were stumped and nurses were just struggling to keep him alive. Anthony and his elite team of doctors were assigned to the patient and a furious brainstorming session ensued. Theories as to what the patient was suffering from were continuously pitched but rejected almost immediately by Anthony for being "simply not it".

It wasn't until two ideas were said, each by Brad and Emily, that Anthony responded, "Now that's what I'm talking about." Both theories were equally plausible but Brad and Emily didn't agree. Brad felt that pursuing Emily's theory would be a waste of effort, while Emily thought that Brad's theory was ridiculous. The heated debate was only ended when the doctors received notifications that the patient was having a heart attack.

A tough fight to keep the patient alive. The next time that Emily could sit down to rest was only at lunch time, and boy, was she exhausted.

"Guess who!" Emily was surprised as warm hands covered her eyes as she was taking a break in the doctors lounge.

It was her fiance, Rob, with a packet of lunch, "I was near and dropped by to make sure you don't skip your lunch again today."

Emily was pleasantly surprised, the couple embraced each other and were having lunch until Brad walked in.

"Hey, I don't think we've met, I'm Brad, Emily's colleague."

"Hi, I'm Rob, Emily and I are actually engaged." Rob replied as they shook hands. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I have to get to back to work soon. Emily told me that you have a tough case on your hands so help me make sure she eats her dinner yeah?"

As Emily left to send Rob off, Brad sat down to make a call to his girlfriend.

"Hey baby, I'm so sorry, I'm not gonna be able to come home tonight" ... "This patient, a real tough nut to crack, and I think that he might not live the night if we don't solve his case soon" ... "I love you too baby."


Reports from scans done earlier were done and the patient was brought into the radiology department for a CT scan by Brad and Emily. The room was dark and quiet; filled only with the sounds of machine whirring and segmented conversations between Brad, Emily and the patient.

"You know, I don't know why we're scanning his brain when the problem is obviously in his heart." Brad said, in hushed tones.

Emily replied, softly but mildly irritated, "In an accident, multiple seizures, and unconscious since he entered the hospital? He's obviously had some head trauma. Anthony probably just didn't reject your idea because he wanted to see if you would admit you were wrong before we prove anything."

"Then I guess we'll have to see who's wrong" Brad gave a sly grin.

"Hello??" a weak voice came from the speakers. The patient was awake. "I...I can't see...where am I? Why....ah...AHH....AHHHHH!!!" Moniters flashed and alarms buzzed as the patient went into shock from the pain of his burns from the accident. Brad called for backup while Emily rushed to find some pain medications. Screams emanated out of the CT room as nurses rushed to and fro, until Emily came back with an injection to knock him out.

Blindness. That was the last clue needed. The patient definitely had a neuro problem. Emily was right and once again the two doctors were in the scanning room finishing up the scan of the patients brain.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong. We could have gone home a long time ago, instead of staying past midnight debating."

"Nah, that's why we're a team isn't it? To throw ideas and stand for them, in case the next time you were right...." Emily spoke slowly and softly.

"Well, I'm lucky to have a colleague like you, you're smart, you're determined, and you...don't make fun of me when I'm wrong..." They both shared a laugh.

The room fell silent. It had been a long day at work. Both doctors looked at each other in the cold, dark room. Right then Emily could only think about how she's always felt that Brad was attractive, funny and intelligent. Brad on the other hand always felt comfortable communicating his beliefs to Emily. Their bodies were close. Faces closer. Emily leaned towards Brad, who was looking longingly at her lips.

"Supper?" The two were stopped abruptly just inches away from each others lips by Anthony who poked his head through the doors.



And so the three colleagues were having the late night supper. Past patients, ridiculous failures, other coworkers all kept them laughing until Anthony left to go home. The once comfortable atmosphere grew serious. Brad talked about his girlfriend while Emily talked about her fiance, their fingers touched and they looked into each others eyes.

They did finish that kiss ....... "What are we doing?"

The Best Of: POP MUSIC

What is your favorite genre of music? Are you a pop fanatic that put the Black Eyed Peas "I gotta feeling" on repeat and dances to LMFAO's Pary Rock Anthem? Or are you a rock head that head bangs to Living On A Prayer or Sweet Child O' Mine? Or perhaps your the kind who would lounge in the comfort of Collide by Howie Day or Photograph by Ed Sheeran? Oh, even quieter? Pachelbel's Canon? Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy?

I've never understood the need for someone to be a devout follower of a certain genre of music. You see, music seems to me more like a spectrum , one where the best songs of each genre represents each of the brightest colors. Colors that should not be appreciated like a plain solid wallpaper, but together; like a rainbow.

So without further ado, I would like to share with you guys, some of my favorite and, in my opinion, most respectable songs of all time. Bear in mind, that many of these songs might not be from a specific genre, (Due to the, spectrum thing I just explained.) and that a blog post would be insufficient to cover all my favorite songs, so this thread might go on for awhile.

Perhaps the easiest genre we can start with is Pop; where songs are judged less based on actual lyrics or vocal prowess but more off composing ingenuity and stage charisma.

Bad - The Cab



Written about having the desire for a girl that is "Bad" instead of just the normal stable relationship. And really, for any shy, shielded guy, don't we all want to try some of that "Bad" stuff? Bad by The Cab is my go-to get-in-the-mood song, and my liking for it not only comes from the ability of the band to perform this well live (on occasions), but also from their ability to compose songs that uniquely suit their lead singer, Alex Deleon's voice.

Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars



No list about the greatest songs ever made, can be complete without any mention of Bruno Mars. This guy, is a artistic legend. Not only is he able to churn out hits after hits of catchy songs, but he's also able to dance, and perform them live without a scratch to music quality. In fact, Adam Lambert's best song, Never Close Our Eyes, was written by the legend himself (and that's why Adam Lambert is not on this list). With Uptown Funk, Bruno shows just how profound his talent is with his ability to make a song that sounds like its from two different eras of music, yes he had help from Mark Ronson and all, but I'm sure if he didn't have talent, we wouldn't have heard all his other songs. I mean, just look at the audience engagement at his live performances.

One Republic

Special mention to one republic because all their songs are actual masterpieces composed by Ryan Tedder (one of the only few that can rival Bruno Mars in composing ability). Best hit (and one of my favorite song) by Gavin Degraw, Sweeter was helped composed by him, along with Not Over You. Ryan Tedder knows what pop culture wants, he knows what makes a great song, and accompanied by his gifted voice. Heres just my favourite one republic song. Skip to 1:08.



Hold My Hand - Jess Glynne



An up-and-coming artist, although I feel it might be too early to judge. Jess Glynne seems like the kind of artist who would definitely sky rocket in popularity. A strong unique voice, good ability to compose (from the many catchy singles we've heard from her and Clean Bandit), and eye catching stage presence, all traits of artists I become a fan of. Steadily improving, I smiled when she delivered her best performance of this song at the 2015 Jingle Bell Ball.

Now, I'm not sure if I'm actually allowed to use these videos, so if anyone woud want these videos taken down, please do let me know. Or if anyone would want their videos up here, well don't hesitate to comment I guess? That's it for Pop.

Boy: I love you.

  *silence*

Boy: You are my life, my sun and stars. My everything.

  *silence*

Boy: If only you could just......

Mom: For Christ's sake Gary, how many times have I told you. STOP TALKING TO YOUR PIZZA

2 years of national service

Alas, 2 years have come and gone by, and my national service days are over. To some, the army may have been harsh and relentless with its unintelligible methods and paramount propensity for sliding tackles (Army lingo here). While to others, it was simply an obstacle; one that has to be probed in order to find its weaknesses to exploit.
I don't know. To me, army seemed to me like just another phase of life that is easier done than said. Yes, the exercises were tough and I truly hated some of the work I did. Yes, there were times where others severely out shined me and I felt like I was out of my depth. But all things considered, it really, wasn't as hard as I thought it out to be. Thank God for MINDEF, and thank god, for the countless comrades, family members, and superiors that not only made it easier, but contributed to the many memories that I would be sure to carry to my deathbed.

Now I know that this may not be my usual post, but, just bear with my femininity for a while okay?

If there was one thing that BMT truly taught me, would be how slow I am in adapting to new social environments. Week after week, I tried my best but all I really was was being rather awkward. Being overshadowed by those stronger than me (something so superficial) was something I would later learn to mock and blame my substandard Platoon Commander for (not shown in picture; typical). Despite this, I would never lament the school's decision to make me a weapon men. This was all possible thanks to my BMT mates and for that, I thank them.

Thank you AWMP course, that allowed me to make my third appearance on national TV. 

And thank you, Sergeant Major, especially, for being as passionate as you are. For trading me into your company which literally saved my whole NS life. And for recognizing my efforts for the company.

Thank you weapon men, for accepting me into your awesome brotherhood. You guys are the reason that I will never regret being a weapon men. The reason why I believe coming to 1st company was the definite better choice. The biggest fraternity in the company, the weakest hierarchy of sai kang warriors but definitely; a respected vocation in the company.

Special thanks to Jin Kiat, really; for joining the armskote. At the start of training, I wasn't close to the weapon men at all. Neither were you close to Ian and the 2nd company armskote men. I saw no reason why you would want to join the armskote of all the other SMARTAL choices. Yet, you did, and you definitely contributed a hell lot. God knows what I would have done if you hadn't joined and I wouldn't dare imagine it either. Thanks.

Remember leaving the armskote only when the coy has slept? Waking up before the coy woke?

Working while everyone else were resting after 35km? Falling asleep in the armskote, still dirty? Packing weapons into ops boxes till the coy woke for the next day's breakfast? Thanks for the memories.

From the secondary school years, all the way to now. Thanks for the friendship. While the other armskote men had unsupportive detachment mates that made them have to micro-manage their equipment when rushing to begin an exercise, I had you both. Truthfully I was guilty for accepting your help with all that you guys have to deal with, but you guys persisted. You guys the real MVP. Thanks for challenging me to be a better person, a better soldier that will try my best to help others and contribute whether I'm expected to or not. For challenging me to take up the armskote position when I was doubtful. For assuring me, that I was not in out of my depth. 

Honorable mention to boonkiat and eeron for the friendship. 

Boonkiat: Genuine, altruistic, dedicated. I think it's really hard to be able to find someone like boonkiat who's so pure and hard working at the same time.You truly opened my eyes to what people are capable of and even though my conversations with you rarely last beyond two words (or three, if your name is disjointed), I treasure the companionship you have spent with me. Teaching me, to try and be a better soldier, son, and HOPEFULLY BETTER BOYFRIEND OH GOD PLEASE GOD.

Eeron: Same same, but different. I feel that you and I have lots of things in common, like our pretentiousness among people. Our desire to be liked by peers. Yet we couldn't have a more different way of decisions. Remember Hari raya? or Bintan. I developed a hatred for useless people, while you stayed nice to everyone, occasionally. And if theres one thing I wouldn't forget was when you invited me onto the thailand trip despite me not being in the chat. Thanks

Last but not least, no dedication post could be made without the addition of the friends and family that were there long before any of this happened.

My father, who offers to drive me to camp, whether I ask him to or not, regardless of the time, nor whether he has work the next day.

My mother, who washes my clothes for me during the weekends because I'm too much of a useless cunt to do my own laundry.

And the Swiss Cottage gang, that went with me to Taiwan before all this started. Supporting each other, showing off about the shit we do for the country.  Yes, that is me, still wishing for a girlfriend on the sky lantern.






Damn that was corny. Hope to see you guys before I embark onto Tasmania. Bye.

Once in a blue moon WTF thought of the day

If injustice represents a lack of justice. Incomplete; a lack of completion. And inability; the lack of ability.

Is ingenious therefore, a lack of "genius-ness"? Or is "genious" derived from another word of which I do not know exist?  The latter seem more likely to be true given my INcapacity for words. But lets humor me and assume the former for a moment.

However:

ingenious

adjective

1. (of a person) clever, original, and inventive.

Perhaps the most original, most inventive, most... ... creative people, are the very ones we deem to be the least intelligent. The quiet loner, the awkward child, the abnormal person, the disabled. What if the greatest advances begins with us understanding how to communicate with ourselves? For us to hear the thoughts of everyone indiscriminately. 

After all, IN-telligence could also represent a lack of ... ... something. 

lol.

Fear

Universal, yet bounded by the very principles through which it propagates. It reduces nations down to mere shadows of their former selves, while being fundamental to their conception in the first place. Knowing no discrimination, it plagues all. From the most robust of men to the pure innocent child. From the most complex of men (and even perhaps entity) to the simple insect. Even the powerless near-death elderly nor the influential untouchable elites of society are not spared. It is, the bringer of death yet a giver of mercy. The mind-killer, the unchallenged dictator, the great illusionist: Fear.

To many, this may not seem like much of a surprise despite my attempt to exaggerate the morbid abilities of fear (but hey, points for trying?). After all, history and our ever-credible new age media has largely ingrained and propagated the influence fear has on the world.
When the first men roamed Earth, social ties and behaviors were relatively simpler and all that plagued men's minds was the most primal quintessential fear - the fear of death. As mankind progressed, minds diversified, cities were developed while fear, evolved. Men started fearing authority from other men of influence and divine will from gods of religion. Of course, the pervasive fear of death remained but now with an inclusion of close ones.
Then, technology developed and weapons of conflict were created out of a fear of conflict. Human behavior became more intricate, and so did fear. Fear of the murdering supernatural forces people under their blankets or toward their altars while the same fear compels them to enter horror houses for thrills. Whole nations have gone to war over fears of lack of resources, while at the same time, wars have been stopped over the very same fear.
Everyday, new potential devastating steps are being made either toward or away from a collapse of the world-as-we-know-it; all due to fear (or sexual tension, as Barney Stinson says). So, was I attempting to simply exaggerate the morbid abilities of fear, or was I doing it so you would overlook the extent of it. Surprised now?

(Okay, I may have confused myself there.)

Psychologists today have characterized different kinds of fear into five fundamental ones. Listed in order from physical fears to more psychological ones, they are: The fear of extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation and ego-death.
The fear of extinction or mutilation, for elaboration, deals with fears towards things like height, water, death. I would also put the fear of the supernatural under these; I mean, why would you fear a ghost that just wants to drink tea with you?
Then as we go along the list, we have the fear of a loss of autonomy, meaning a fear for losing ones freedom, be it being physically paralyzed, or just being controlled in a societal context. Not forgetting the fear of separation and ego-death, which scares people more psychologically like the fear of being alone, of humiliation, of rejection.
Finally! We, humans, are able to get scared, and know what kind of fright we are experiencing! What an amazing time to be alive! Now all we have to do, is figure out the moves and counter-moves against our deepest darkest fears, and then we can devote our time to solving other problems like how to get our fast food delivered, without having to open the door or pay extra cost.

I'm not a courageous man. I'm really not. I could tell you many things I've done that may make me sound otherwise but that would be irrelevant in my opinion. Different fears plague the lives of different men and fear, is relative, What may seem like a frightening physics defying stunt to a spectator could be just another days work for the circus performer. Just like performing a rock concert may be a nightmare for a quiet shy introvert but not the lead singer of 30 Seconds To Mars (Why? because Jared Leto's a legend). Courage doesn't lie in doing things that intimidate others, it lays within the things that frighten you most.

And what frightens me the most?
Like most people, I too, am scared by the usual. Start of with appetizers of horror stories and low lighting in the middle of the night, then begin the main course when your senses go into overdrive and you over interpret the softest of sounds. Then go on to the dessert when your mom walks into your room suddenly and SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. GOD DAMN IT MOM STOP COMING IN LIKE THAT.
I digress; I used to think that my primary fear was of attention. Being in front of large groups of people, all eyes on you, judging, waiting for you to reveal what kind of a disappointment you really are. But recently, I don't believe that anymore. I like attention, I crave being the guy everyone knows, the excitement of being the center of attraction, the life of the party. What I fear instead, is rejection.
I don't fear the many singing performances that I've had in my life, I fear people not liking my performance. I fear, not being accepted after a university interview, and I've done all I can, to avoid any interviews. I fear, that a girl would not reciprocate my feeling for her, and despite my outward desperation for a relationship, I know that deep down I will avoid any less-than-three hoo-has.

I was recently successful in my application for Medicine in an overseas university, and now I fear failure..... Going to an unknown place, new people, new teaching methods, new expectations. I fear the look of rejection on my families face should I be unable to keep up with anything there. I fear the rejection of people towards how I behave, and I fear that when I come back, everything would be different, in a vast and daunting new way.
But the same heat that makes the potato soft, turns the egg hard and fear, is just an intangible idea. The ghost making strange noises outside isn't wearing a red dress with long overflowing hair, it cannot rattle cups nor close doors, and when you peek out into your living room, you'll realize that there's nothing but abstract, non-existent fear there. Or you'll realize that it's your mom doing shit in the middle of the night again.

I guess, only time will prove if I'm just a useless potato, or an egg.

ONE BOYFRIEND FOR SALE

Hey, what's going on? My name's Aaron. Throughout my life, I try to take everything on the lighter, more humorous side, not saying that I'd like to take the cup for being half full; I prefer being a realist. I only have 250ml of water in that 500ml cup. However, what's the fun in drinking that water if you don't mix some syrup in it, or spit it at some asshole.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush and make this sound weirder than it already sounds. If I forwarded this to you, then you already know, that I'm interested in you. And if you weren't linked to this by me, then I want you to know, that I am, sociable, accepting, and simply, just looking for company to explore all there might be to life.

I attended school in Kranji primary, went to Swiss Cottage Secondary and then to Anderson Junior College. That's for the budding years of my life, where I've been relatively sheltered and confined to a half of Singapore. I could tell you, that I (like all boys) wanted to be an astronaut when I was young. Then somewhere along my coming of age, I wanted to be some cool scientist, and then a president. I could tell you, that with all those childhood aspirations aside, I am now, aiming to be a doctor, specifically a diagnostician, with a MD rank. Something like that, but basically nothing I couldn't tell you if you choose to go on a first date with me.

I could also guess that you are probably independent, bubbly, open, attractive and just probably interesting. Nothing that I could say that would make me sound like a douche that reuses the same pickup line again and again, but this is after all, a generalized letter, on the internet. But if I wanted you to read this post, then you are definitely an interesting person whom I want to meet and get to know.

Newton's flaming laser sword is a philosophical razor with the principle that says that what cannot be proven by experiment is not worth debating whether true or not. If you are as wonderful as you are for me to send you this letter then I don't want us to simply speculate if we were as cool as we think each other to be. Let's try for sure, it could be fun, what's there to lose?

New year, New Resolutions

Some strive to improve themselves through a series of self-inflicted challenges. Some believe that they were conjured to fulfill a certain enigmatic purpose of life. Whereas some simply struggle between the constant battle of life and death so barely that they simply resent the very "gift" of life. But you, the one reading this, you don't relate to this, you've barely seen death outside your science fiction marvel movies. (Fine, who am I to judge, your life is so tough with your overbearing parents not giving you enough freedom and instead confining you to your dreadful room fully equipped with a laptop and functioning air condition. Arrest me.)

What I'm trying to say, is that at some point of your budding (or ending) life, surely being literate has gifted you with enough of a self-consciousness to question your existence... (Of course, I'm not saying that you have to be able to count to 10 to achieve a greater degree of self-awareness; satori has been achieved by many unlearned individuals.) And with that questioning, comes a realization; a realization that perhaps compels you to find a purpose in life that appeals to you.

On the other hand, if you actually haven't questioned your life in such a way before (these things come as some sort of an epiphany anyway, and many a times while you are drunk), or you are some self-righteous nihilistic person. Let me appeal to you that though it may seem straight-forward and justified to simply conclude that we, humans, are simply miraculous wonders of chemistry that exist because there was an infinite number of trial and errors in the primordial soup that resulted in us. It is a fact, that these millions of centuries of trial and error has given us an overly-evolved brain; one that requires extensive stimulation and purpose to be something other than a brain dead individual.

That being said, finding a purpose in life in such a short span of time, especially if you are my age would not only be doubtful but highly likely to be ill-conceived. Cross that out. Focus on the other part instead: Stimulation (and something other than endless debauchery). The engagement of ones mind such that every connection, every neural pathway is engaged and strengthened... But how does one achieve constant stimulation that reaches even the most shrouded and obscure reaches of our minds?

Well, in my opinion, leading a purposeful way of life seems like a good start. That, though, is not to be confused with a life of extreme-altruism as some may falsely assume, you're not Oliver Queen or some humanoid Arceus. Such "purpose" varies between individuals, it speaks to you, representing you, your passions, and in my opinion, who you would want to be if you had a limitless amount of energy everyday.

Let's say your passion lies in music, very well, then go for it, take every step you feel is required such that 5; 10 years down the road, you'd have achieved what you wanted your life to be. Confucius once said, "Make the most of everyday" (He didn't say that, but I'm sure there a Chinese saying that means that). The problem with such a dynamic lifestyle however, is its sustainability. Like what they say, "Its hard to score a goal when you can't even see the post." (Or, something like that, I'm sure there's some Chinese saying that means that.) It's easy to lose focus; to fall into the spiral of a passive lifestyle where your neural pathways go limp and zombified.

Recently... Okay, not so recently, a realization hit me while I was doing nothing in life. I am in that spiral. Though not in that stereotypical highly repetitive lifestyle where one does the same thing everyday, every week for me is generally the same. Serve the nation, rush for bookout, spend the weekend comforting myself, rinse and repeat. Slowly my neural network diminishes, situational awareness drops, cognitive ability fails, attention span truncated and self-control, virtually non-existent. And if you think I may be over-dramatizing things, just note that I've been writing this post over a span of 10 weeks.

I want to become a doctor. I want to learn to drive. I want to master the guitar. I want to buy a house, before I hit 25. But all my will and drive to accomplish such things, are simply thwarted by my lack of self-control, my pity for thyself and all in all my superior procrastination skills. Well actually, now that I think of it, add in the illusion that everything will be better than what my cognitive mind expects.

Break the cycle. I have exactly 2 months until I finish ATEC, and a month after that when I finish my last overseas trip that marks the end of my busy period in NS. That, would be my dateline. The dateline where I start taking steps toward my goals and away from the self-rendered stand-still where I was ever since NS started. I'm a big boy now, and what I'm doing right now, is not sustainable for the future. The spiral is gonna consume me, destroy me, engulf me in nothing but sorrow till the end of all days. (Yes, that is a little over-dramatizing. But if I may, play End of All Days by 30 Seconds to Mars right now and read that again...I know, right.) So, with all the bullshit being said, here goes my resolution, that the last 8 months of NS would be nothing but strong determination to fulfill my goals and claw my way out of this spiral.

And should I decide to let this comfortable stale ground suck me in instead; God find me the Ark of Covenant for the pace of this vast dog-eat-dog world, I heard, is nothing but unforgiving.