2 years of national service

Alas, 2 years have come and gone by, and my national service days are over. To some, the army may have been harsh and relentless with its unintelligible methods and paramount propensity for sliding tackles (Army lingo here). While to others, it was simply an obstacle; one that has to be probed in order to find its weaknesses to exploit.
I don't know. To me, army seemed to me like just another phase of life that is easier done than said. Yes, the exercises were tough and I truly hated some of the work I did. Yes, there were times where others severely out shined me and I felt like I was out of my depth. But all things considered, it really, wasn't as hard as I thought it out to be. Thank God for MINDEF, and thank god, for the countless comrades, family members, and superiors that not only made it easier, but contributed to the many memories that I would be sure to carry to my deathbed.

Now I know that this may not be my usual post, but, just bear with my femininity for a while okay?

If there was one thing that BMT truly taught me, would be how slow I am in adapting to new social environments. Week after week, I tried my best but all I really was was being rather awkward. Being overshadowed by those stronger than me (something so superficial) was something I would later learn to mock and blame my substandard Platoon Commander for (not shown in picture; typical). Despite this, I would never lament the school's decision to make me a weapon men. This was all possible thanks to my BMT mates and for that, I thank them.

Thank you AWMP course, that allowed me to make my third appearance on national TV. 

And thank you, Sergeant Major, especially, for being as passionate as you are. For trading me into your company which literally saved my whole NS life. And for recognizing my efforts for the company.

Thank you weapon men, for accepting me into your awesome brotherhood. You guys are the reason that I will never regret being a weapon men. The reason why I believe coming to 1st company was the definite better choice. The biggest fraternity in the company, the weakest hierarchy of sai kang warriors but definitely; a respected vocation in the company.

Special thanks to Jin Kiat, really; for joining the armskote. At the start of training, I wasn't close to the weapon men at all. Neither were you close to Ian and the 2nd company armskote men. I saw no reason why you would want to join the armskote of all the other SMARTAL choices. Yet, you did, and you definitely contributed a hell lot. God knows what I would have done if you hadn't joined and I wouldn't dare imagine it either. Thanks.

Remember leaving the armskote only when the coy has slept? Waking up before the coy woke?

Working while everyone else were resting after 35km? Falling asleep in the armskote, still dirty? Packing weapons into ops boxes till the coy woke for the next day's breakfast? Thanks for the memories.

From the secondary school years, all the way to now. Thanks for the friendship. While the other armskote men had unsupportive detachment mates that made them have to micro-manage their equipment when rushing to begin an exercise, I had you both. Truthfully I was guilty for accepting your help with all that you guys have to deal with, but you guys persisted. You guys the real MVP. Thanks for challenging me to be a better person, a better soldier that will try my best to help others and contribute whether I'm expected to or not. For challenging me to take up the armskote position when I was doubtful. For assuring me, that I was not in out of my depth. 

Honorable mention to boonkiat and eeron for the friendship. 

Boonkiat: Genuine, altruistic, dedicated. I think it's really hard to be able to find someone like boonkiat who's so pure and hard working at the same time.You truly opened my eyes to what people are capable of and even though my conversations with you rarely last beyond two words (or three, if your name is disjointed), I treasure the companionship you have spent with me. Teaching me, to try and be a better soldier, son, and HOPEFULLY BETTER BOYFRIEND OH GOD PLEASE GOD.

Eeron: Same same, but different. I feel that you and I have lots of things in common, like our pretentiousness among people. Our desire to be liked by peers. Yet we couldn't have a more different way of decisions. Remember Hari raya? or Bintan. I developed a hatred for useless people, while you stayed nice to everyone, occasionally. And if theres one thing I wouldn't forget was when you invited me onto the thailand trip despite me not being in the chat. Thanks

Last but not least, no dedication post could be made without the addition of the friends and family that were there long before any of this happened.

My father, who offers to drive me to camp, whether I ask him to or not, regardless of the time, nor whether he has work the next day.

My mother, who washes my clothes for me during the weekends because I'm too much of a useless cunt to do my own laundry.

And the Swiss Cottage gang, that went with me to Taiwan before all this started. Supporting each other, showing off about the shit we do for the country.  Yes, that is me, still wishing for a girlfriend on the sky lantern.






Damn that was corny. Hope to see you guys before I embark onto Tasmania. Bye.

Once in a blue moon WTF thought of the day

If injustice represents a lack of justice. Incomplete; a lack of completion. And inability; the lack of ability.

Is ingenious therefore, a lack of "genius-ness"? Or is "genious" derived from another word of which I do not know exist?  The latter seem more likely to be true given my INcapacity for words. But lets humor me and assume the former for a moment.

However:

ingenious

adjective

1. (of a person) clever, original, and inventive.

Perhaps the most original, most inventive, most... ... creative people, are the very ones we deem to be the least intelligent. The quiet loner, the awkward child, the abnormal person, the disabled. What if the greatest advances begins with us understanding how to communicate with ourselves? For us to hear the thoughts of everyone indiscriminately. 

After all, IN-telligence could also represent a lack of ... ... something. 

lol.

Fear

Universal, yet bounded by the very principles through which it propagates. It reduces nations down to mere shadows of their former selves, while being fundamental to their conception in the first place. Knowing no discrimination, it plagues all. From the most robust of men to the pure innocent child. From the most complex of men (and even perhaps entity) to the simple insect. Even the powerless near-death elderly nor the influential untouchable elites of society are not spared. It is, the bringer of death yet a giver of mercy. The mind-killer, the unchallenged dictator, the great illusionist: Fear.

To many, this may not seem like much of a surprise despite my attempt to exaggerate the morbid abilities of fear (but hey, points for trying?). After all, history and our ever-credible new age media has largely ingrained and propagated the influence fear has on the world.
When the first men roamed Earth, social ties and behaviors were relatively simpler and all that plagued men's minds was the most primal quintessential fear - the fear of death. As mankind progressed, minds diversified, cities were developed while fear, evolved. Men started fearing authority from other men of influence and divine will from gods of religion. Of course, the pervasive fear of death remained but now with an inclusion of close ones.
Then, technology developed and weapons of conflict were created out of a fear of conflict. Human behavior became more intricate, and so did fear. Fear of the murdering supernatural forces people under their blankets or toward their altars while the same fear compels them to enter horror houses for thrills. Whole nations have gone to war over fears of lack of resources, while at the same time, wars have been stopped over the very same fear.
Everyday, new potential devastating steps are being made either toward or away from a collapse of the world-as-we-know-it; all due to fear (or sexual tension, as Barney Stinson says). So, was I attempting to simply exaggerate the morbid abilities of fear, or was I doing it so you would overlook the extent of it. Surprised now?

(Okay, I may have confused myself there.)

Psychologists today have characterized different kinds of fear into five fundamental ones. Listed in order from physical fears to more psychological ones, they are: The fear of extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation and ego-death.
The fear of extinction or mutilation, for elaboration, deals with fears towards things like height, water, death. I would also put the fear of the supernatural under these; I mean, why would you fear a ghost that just wants to drink tea with you?
Then as we go along the list, we have the fear of a loss of autonomy, meaning a fear for losing ones freedom, be it being physically paralyzed, or just being controlled in a societal context. Not forgetting the fear of separation and ego-death, which scares people more psychologically like the fear of being alone, of humiliation, of rejection.
Finally! We, humans, are able to get scared, and know what kind of fright we are experiencing! What an amazing time to be alive! Now all we have to do, is figure out the moves and counter-moves against our deepest darkest fears, and then we can devote our time to solving other problems like how to get our fast food delivered, without having to open the door or pay extra cost.

I'm not a courageous man. I'm really not. I could tell you many things I've done that may make me sound otherwise but that would be irrelevant in my opinion. Different fears plague the lives of different men and fear, is relative, What may seem like a frightening physics defying stunt to a spectator could be just another days work for the circus performer. Just like performing a rock concert may be a nightmare for a quiet shy introvert but not the lead singer of 30 Seconds To Mars (Why? because Jared Leto's a legend). Courage doesn't lie in doing things that intimidate others, it lays within the things that frighten you most.

And what frightens me the most?
Like most people, I too, am scared by the usual. Start of with appetizers of horror stories and low lighting in the middle of the night, then begin the main course when your senses go into overdrive and you over interpret the softest of sounds. Then go on to the dessert when your mom walks into your room suddenly and SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. GOD DAMN IT MOM STOP COMING IN LIKE THAT.
I digress; I used to think that my primary fear was of attention. Being in front of large groups of people, all eyes on you, judging, waiting for you to reveal what kind of a disappointment you really are. But recently, I don't believe that anymore. I like attention, I crave being the guy everyone knows, the excitement of being the center of attraction, the life of the party. What I fear instead, is rejection.
I don't fear the many singing performances that I've had in my life, I fear people not liking my performance. I fear, not being accepted after a university interview, and I've done all I can, to avoid any interviews. I fear, that a girl would not reciprocate my feeling for her, and despite my outward desperation for a relationship, I know that deep down I will avoid any less-than-three hoo-has.

I was recently successful in my application for Medicine in an overseas university, and now I fear failure..... Going to an unknown place, new people, new teaching methods, new expectations. I fear the look of rejection on my families face should I be unable to keep up with anything there. I fear the rejection of people towards how I behave, and I fear that when I come back, everything would be different, in a vast and daunting new way.
But the same heat that makes the potato soft, turns the egg hard and fear, is just an intangible idea. The ghost making strange noises outside isn't wearing a red dress with long overflowing hair, it cannot rattle cups nor close doors, and when you peek out into your living room, you'll realize that there's nothing but abstract, non-existent fear there. Or you'll realize that it's your mom doing shit in the middle of the night again.

I guess, only time will prove if I'm just a useless potato, or an egg.

ONE BOYFRIEND FOR SALE

Hey, what's going on? My name's Aaron. Throughout my life, I try to take everything on the lighter, more humorous side, not saying that I'd like to take the cup for being half full; I prefer being a realist. I only have 250ml of water in that 500ml cup. However, what's the fun in drinking that water if you don't mix some syrup in it, or spit it at some asshole.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush and make this sound weirder than it already sounds. If I forwarded this to you, then you already know, that I'm interested in you. And if you weren't linked to this by me, then I want you to know, that I am, sociable, accepting, and simply, just looking for company to explore all there might be to life.

I attended school in Kranji primary, went to Swiss Cottage Secondary and then to Anderson Junior College. That's for the budding years of my life, where I've been relatively sheltered and confined to a half of Singapore. I could tell you, that I (like all boys) wanted to be an astronaut when I was young. Then somewhere along my coming of age, I wanted to be some cool scientist, and then a president. I could tell you, that with all those childhood aspirations aside, I am now, aiming to be a doctor, specifically a diagnostician, with a MD rank. Something like that, but basically nothing I couldn't tell you if you choose to go on a first date with me.

I could also guess that you are probably independent, bubbly, open, attractive and just probably interesting. Nothing that I could say that would make me sound like a douche that reuses the same pickup line again and again, but this is after all, a generalized letter, on the internet. But if I wanted you to read this post, then you are definitely an interesting person whom I want to meet and get to know.

Newton's flaming laser sword is a philosophical razor with the principle that says that what cannot be proven by experiment is not worth debating whether true or not. If you are as wonderful as you are for me to send you this letter then I don't want us to simply speculate if we were as cool as we think each other to be. Let's try for sure, it could be fun, what's there to lose?

New year, New Resolutions

Some strive to improve themselves through a series of self-inflicted challenges. Some believe that they were conjured to fulfill a certain enigmatic purpose of life. Whereas some simply struggle between the constant battle of life and death so barely that they simply resent the very "gift" of life. But you, the one reading this, you don't relate to this, you've barely seen death outside your science fiction marvel movies. (Fine, who am I to judge, your life is so tough with your overbearing parents not giving you enough freedom and instead confining you to your dreadful room fully equipped with a laptop and functioning air condition. Arrest me.)

What I'm trying to say, is that at some point of your budding (or ending) life, surely being literate has gifted you with enough of a self-consciousness to question your existence... (Of course, I'm not saying that you have to be able to count to 10 to achieve a greater degree of self-awareness; satori has been achieved by many unlearned individuals.) And with that questioning, comes a realization; a realization that perhaps compels you to find a purpose in life that appeals to you.

On the other hand, if you actually haven't questioned your life in such a way before (these things come as some sort of an epiphany anyway, and many a times while you are drunk), or you are some self-righteous nihilistic person. Let me appeal to you that though it may seem straight-forward and justified to simply conclude that we, humans, are simply miraculous wonders of chemistry that exist because there was an infinite number of trial and errors in the primordial soup that resulted in us. It is a fact, that these millions of centuries of trial and error has given us an overly-evolved brain; one that requires extensive stimulation and purpose to be something other than a brain dead individual.

That being said, finding a purpose in life in such a short span of time, especially if you are my age would not only be doubtful but highly likely to be ill-conceived. Cross that out. Focus on the other part instead: Stimulation (and something other than endless debauchery). The engagement of ones mind such that every connection, every neural pathway is engaged and strengthened... But how does one achieve constant stimulation that reaches even the most shrouded and obscure reaches of our minds?

Well, in my opinion, leading a purposeful way of life seems like a good start. That, though, is not to be confused with a life of extreme-altruism as some may falsely assume, you're not Oliver Queen or some humanoid Arceus. Such "purpose" varies between individuals, it speaks to you, representing you, your passions, and in my opinion, who you would want to be if you had a limitless amount of energy everyday.

Let's say your passion lies in music, very well, then go for it, take every step you feel is required such that 5; 10 years down the road, you'd have achieved what you wanted your life to be. Confucius once said, "Make the most of everyday" (He didn't say that, but I'm sure there a Chinese saying that means that). The problem with such a dynamic lifestyle however, is its sustainability. Like what they say, "Its hard to score a goal when you can't even see the post." (Or, something like that, I'm sure there's some Chinese saying that means that.) It's easy to lose focus; to fall into the spiral of a passive lifestyle where your neural pathways go limp and zombified.

Recently... Okay, not so recently, a realization hit me while I was doing nothing in life. I am in that spiral. Though not in that stereotypical highly repetitive lifestyle where one does the same thing everyday, every week for me is generally the same. Serve the nation, rush for bookout, spend the weekend comforting myself, rinse and repeat. Slowly my neural network diminishes, situational awareness drops, cognitive ability fails, attention span truncated and self-control, virtually non-existent. And if you think I may be over-dramatizing things, just note that I've been writing this post over a span of 10 weeks.

I want to become a doctor. I want to learn to drive. I want to master the guitar. I want to buy a house, before I hit 25. But all my will and drive to accomplish such things, are simply thwarted by my lack of self-control, my pity for thyself and all in all my superior procrastination skills. Well actually, now that I think of it, add in the illusion that everything will be better than what my cognitive mind expects.

Break the cycle. I have exactly 2 months until I finish ATEC, and a month after that when I finish my last overseas trip that marks the end of my busy period in NS. That, would be my dateline. The dateline where I start taking steps toward my goals and away from the self-rendered stand-still where I was ever since NS started. I'm a big boy now, and what I'm doing right now, is not sustainable for the future. The spiral is gonna consume me, destroy me, engulf me in nothing but sorrow till the end of all days. (Yes, that is a little over-dramatizing. But if I may, play End of All Days by 30 Seconds to Mars right now and read that again...I know, right.) So, with all the bullshit being said, here goes my resolution, that the last 8 months of NS would be nothing but strong determination to fulfill my goals and claw my way out of this spiral.

And should I decide to let this comfortable stale ground suck me in instead; God find me the Ark of Covenant for the pace of this vast dog-eat-dog world, I heard, is nothing but unforgiving.

The basis of a desire in the path of Medicine

11 weeks. That's the amount of time since I sold my hair, my blitheful lifestyle and, most probably, my soul as well to the government for a monthly payment of $480 (Well technically it's $780 as of now but why would you care about how much money I get?) .

So what's going on in my life now? For a first, I'm now undergoing my vocational training phase as a weapon man - we ensure you know how to point your weapon so you don't do favours for the enemy. Just imagine, running through mud, blood, flesh and basically a mosh pit of hell, you've finally cornered your enemy. Walking up to the helpless praying bambi that was gunning down your buddies a few seconds ago, you put on your shades to have the perfect Arnold Schwarzenegger moment...BANG...you shoot yourself in the head because no one ever taught you where the weapon shoots out from. See our importance now?

Moving on, I've also been accepted into the NTU school of biological science along with the college scholarship. why the choice in this course you may ask, and truthfully, I'm not so sure. for a long time now, I've considered being a doctor to be one of my biggest life goals (there are of course many other life goals, for example, to find a girlfriend, hopefully, before I turn 40). However, thanks to my sub-par results, I may not stand a good chance against the other applicants. Leaving me with two options: Ignore the odds. Or, consider the alternative pathways. That is, biological sciences. Of course, alternative routes are usually scary and un-advised. Just ask Red Riding Hood if you don't believe me, but then again, asking someone else, is also an alternate route to coming to the same conclusion that I am right. My point is, the tempting offer of biological sciences and the scholarship offered puts me in a dilemma between that, and trying to get into medicine school where I stand a better chance at becoming a doctor. Recommendations?

In any case, the brighter ones would probably realise that I haven't reached the main topic of this post (If you're wondering what's the main topic of this post, well, I have some news for you...). You smart people would also probably be able to score straight As and be accepted into a medicine school without any dilemmas. God damn it you smart guy. But back to the subject matter: where does my interest in Medicine come from?

It all began about 3 years ago when I started watching one of the best TV series ever produced: House. I recommend all of you to watch it... Just as long as you don't get influenced to want to become a doctor and end up competing with me for slots in Medicine.. you know, on a second thought, don't watch it. Anyway, Hugh Laurie aka Gregory House perfectly captured the essence of how I (and probably many others would like to live life; a badass anarchist, smart and respected. Not that these traits had anything to do with me wanted to be a doctor, but it is, about how House manages to help his patients in ways more than their health despite his unorthodox ways. On to my next point.

Money. Look, I'm not saying money is the key to  a happy life, but it is one of the many factors. Bring your attention to a graph illustrating the theory of financial happiness.

As people earn more money, they get more money to be more happy. Yes, millions of "mature" people say money doesn't buy you happiness, but money does buy you things like a trampoline, or a jet ski. Have you ever seen anyone look unhappy on a trampoline or a jet ski? However, as one gets richer, the marginal returns of happiness with increases in wealth dips lower, and lower. This is based on the experiences of many wealthy individuals, but really, do you think, you would be much happier having 50 million dollars instead of 40 million dollars? Having my first financial goal as to purchase my own house, there are only a few jobs that would help me achieve this fast. Of which; a doctor.

One more major reason for my desire would be the responsibilities of a doctor. I hate office work. In fact, I would put a career in business as my last option, right behind working as a.....I just don't want it okay? Firstly, a doctor is responsible for the comfort and health of his patients. I want to be able to make my patients, my family, the people I know, happy with how they feel everyday. Secondly, a doctor decides the treatment received by his patients, chemotherapy, steroid treatment, surgery, stem cell therapy? Whatever, I'm just bombing big medical terms to sound smarter. Basically, you decide the life and death of your patient via your intellectual decisions. Definitely not a pusillanimous job, but definitely challenging and stimulating. Lastly, like House, I would like to be a doctor able to change my patients' lives for the better, even after they recover from their infected penises, or whatever. Able to see where their illnesses came from, so we can avoid ever seeing them again; not in a horrific defunct manner you repugnant ass.

What is the purpose of a doctor? To heal, save, and better the lives of others. Exactly, that is what I want to do. Of course with having a happy life myself as well. Get a job you like, and you'll never work a day in life. Not only that, you'll also get immensely rich without working. Well, not immensely rich with the cost of living in Singapore rising faster than Moore's Law, but, rich enough to reach an optimal position according to the theory of financial happiness.

Now, if you are still wondering what the main topic of the post is, or the news I had for you earlier in this post. Man, do I have some news for you....

Every Singaporean Son

There comes a point in the life of every boy where the universe syncs with the rhythm of the cries of his heart and he transforms from a boy, into a man. For tribal boys in the Amazon, this metamorphosis comes after they are stung by an agonizing neuro-toxin that leaves them gasping for life at the end of the ordeal. Other tribal boys on the other hand treat their balls like phoenix-es sacrificing their balls by leaping off 30 metre towers with a few strands of vine being the barrier between life and the grim reapers's scythe; their balls will then be reborned into bigger, manly balls, that is, if they don't die.

Then on the other side of the table, western boys become men when they lose their virginity (So, yes, you can buy your manhood, you can beg for it, or YOU COULD DO IT THE MANLY WAY *INSERT MANLY ROAR HERE*). However, in places like Singapore where society is just a tangled mess of cultures, the mark of this transition is non-definite. Some still say its when you lose your virginity (if so there are probably tens of thousands full grown boys out there), others mark the transition by just partying at clubs...some perhaps circumcise themselves. But thanks to Jack Neo, we now popularize the notion that boys become men after their journey in National Service.

Sleep deprived, body aching, and psyching myself to get ready for the ordeal of booking in tonight, this is, my experience of the 14 days of "orientation week".

Day 1:
What lies ahead of me? What am I going to turn into? Is this 2 years really going to change me? Day 1 began with my relatives sending me off into camp, of course it really helps to be with your family when you're running late for a military appointment. So all went better than expected, first day food was underwhelming and so was the socializing. As said in my last post, as people transit between phases of their lives like going into NS, motivation fills their bodies resulting in many, many commanding tryhards with superiority complexes. I kept my mouth shut, kinda like many others too. Main challenge of the day was collecting our equipment provided, it was then I realized: You know NS is going to be tough when you have trouble merely carrying your field and duffel pack. By the way did I mention I don't look that bad bald?

Day 3:
I know, Day 3 doesn't come after Day 1, well ain't you a lil' smart ass. Well Day 2 was uneventful, full of lectures and shit. But technically, so was Day 3 except that it was ridden with warnings about how the NS adjustment period was ending tomorrow. What is an adjustment period, you may ask, just think of it somewhat like when you were two and you grew your first teeth to bite your mom's nipple, no one's gonna scold you for doing it, they just reward you with more milk, wew.

Day 4:
Psych for total annihilation, say goodbye to your arms, and banish your will to live into oblivion. What was left of hair on our scalps were raised in alarm to do our best not to get pumped by anyone, and anything said by anyone with symbols on their rank tag was like the moment before a fright in a horror film. Regardless, we took our first IPPT (I can't run, don't ask why) and ended the day, having done a mere 30 push ups, what a scare.

Day 5:
Perhaps the most inspiring moment every recruit will have before their ORD would be the rifle presenting ceremony. We were arranged in order of height...and I would say, if I was 20cm taller, I would have shook the hands of big shots...if I was taller. The parade was still inspiring after all, refilling all the tryhards with more temporal motivation, and I guess, it was needed, cos for the next few days, our rifles (or "wives") proceeded to screw us over (No euphemism intended).

Day 7:
Valentines day. Love is in the air. Hormones spewing. Testicles are going into overdrive and the sperms of us recruits are overflowing into our brains. I didn't get a desired response, but I don't regret what I did...
Anyway, have you heard of the saying that NS turns boys to men, but in the process it robs our intelligence leaving nothing but stupidity. NS doesn't rob our ability to think, the sleep deprivation that comes with NS does. Even during the time after lights out, I slowly feel my brain cells just dying in hope for a more sleep filled afterlife, and despite knowing this, my newly developed stupidity still compels me to deprive myself of more sleep by using my phone.

Day 10:
So begins our time at Nee Soon camp to finally shoot our wives (euphemism intended). This "camp" did go on for 3 days till day 12, but really, all that was required was one day for I hit my marksman criteria on the first day. Both inessential and detested, every day our highly packed field pack, helmets, battle vest and rifle worked in unison with Satan to pull our souls closer to the ground. Back and shoulders screaming mercy, and body spewing what ever moisture that was in our skins, we wondered how our 72 km road march would be like when the most we marched was probably only 2 km.

Day 14:
Guess what day it is? BOOK OUT DAY. I may not have been looking forward to coming home, or the food because the food at Pasir Ris camp, is, really darn good, but I did look forward to experiencing aircon, civilian clothing, and quite significantly, the freedom to cross my legs whenever I wanted. Our feelings were played with as instructors changed instructions that determined whether our bookout was going to be smooth or not; it was smoother than expected. However deep inside of me, I know it wouldn't be that easy in future, especially with my IPPT results.

On a side note though, there are certain things I remember vaguely without the respective dates they occurred on (Thanks to my dying brain). Like how the resident big shot boss in camp told us that we, chosen recruits, are the top 10% of our batch in terms of family history, personality, health and IQ (though perhaps not so much on that anymore). I took pride that my personality had traits of anti-establishment character (Yes, we are taught to be good, and proud of it).

Book in in less than 7 hours. Hello again regimentation.