Get your Chinese New Year priorities straight!

If my second experience at a club taught me anything, it would be that I forgot,the most fundamental rule of clubbing in my third post; ALWAYS BRING YOUR IC. Not that it would help save an exorbitant taxi fare for rushing back to your home and back to the club who's location you had painstakingly tracked down, but yes, it saves you an exorbitant taxi fare from rushing back and back again(If you get what I mean). Oh, and by the way, it also allows you to remain with your friends, ensuring that you are able to develop into the life of the party you planned to be.

The whole plan of going to Zouk on the 29th was to celebrate and ensure Glen has a (relatively) spectacularly carnal 19th birthday, mission was accomplished. But I'm pretty sure everyone was feeling that our missions for the night could have been over-achieved if we went to a club where mere walking didn't involve pressing your rapidly overheating body against sweat-drenched zombies at all 8 directions at any one time. Regardless, my point is, just, BRING YOUR IC.

Anyhow, in the stress-free periods between major transitions in our lives where we don't have anything to do, it seems to me that we measure time by noting when the next event in our lives is going to be. Glen's birthday is over, next is the Chinese New Year, and I ask you, huat ma?

I guess from many things I hear, Chinese New Year is a time about getting AngBaos, eating, and having gatherings with friends...oh yeah, and getting back in touch with distant relatives too, yeah..that. Once again, lets break Chinese New Year down into three aspects: Family, Gambling, Friends.  

Just follow your morals, you confused adolescent

Needless to say, from the time we entered the education system or even before that, we Singaporean youths have been taught that the true purpose of Chinese New Year is for families to catch up and "re-bond". (By families, I refer to whole generations and dynasties as in the olden Chinese times, and not America's nuclear family) Perhaps youths nowadays are faced with the dilemma whether to get a life and follow their friends or to be a good child and visit their mother's uncle's cousin's brother in law. Usually I would offer my opinion without exactly asserting it (Don't question me, I don't assert), but for this scenario, I strongly recommend that not only should you fulfil the true meaning of Chinese New Year, but also, do it wholeheartedly (That means, to socialize..Don't look so scared, they won't eat you up. Except that one auntie you see every year who takes the foundations of her make up to fairness that makes the snow of Mount Everest look like the night sky).

We all have that one relative that we really dread seeing. One of my distant relative repeats year after year, the story of me angrily staring at him when I was young, maybe, to get back at me, maybe, cos there's nothing better to talk about, I don't know. But no, I'm not standing for it again this year....I said socialize and catch-up with relatives wholeheartedly, not fake it and suck up to them. 

Cai Shen Ye: Omnipotent and worshipped
You're playing blackjack with your Aunt's third uncle's cousin with a liking for Chinese New Year goodies and the adrenaline rush from playing high stakes despite the financial state you think he might be in.War cries and blessings are hollered , he slowly exposes his cards (the strength of his voice seem to know no limits and while watching him pry two defenceless cards apart, you half-expect the SSTA to call and ask if there was any opportunity they could finally be doing something significant).  It's a pair of Ace. The room goes wild, the nuclear holocaust has begun as you watch a bunch of fifties being passed to him.

All is well, you are impressed, jealous perhaps, but then he bumps his fist on the closest shoulder in sight; you. With all the hype, he easily persuades you to raise your bet by ten folds. Cards are dealt, you close your eyes and start praying for the God of Fortune to bless you....NOW JUST WAIT A MOMENT...you're not a Buddhist?! Neither are you remotely religious, are you, spontaneously accepting Buddhism into your life?? Regardless, you look up and pray, prying your chest, eyes and cards apart...You lost 10 bucks. Are you, a loser with a good or bad personality?

Did my duty to my family, collected my Angbaos, what do I do next?
The one thing that you have had on your mind since Day 1 of course, a gathering and visitation crew with your closest friends. Little needs to be said about the vast differences between various cliques, some like to party, leaving less time for the amassing of highly sought-after Red Packets while the others, just want more money for the very social pressure that richer, is cooler. Whatever it is, do what you have to do, you'll definitely want to have a gang of people to invite to your house in future when the education systems leaves you at the mercy of the "free" Singaporean world.



So, that's the description cum commentary of my Chinese New Year, I may not offer any angbaos, but my house is open to all who know me on any of the 8 days before I enlist into commando camp on the 7th Feb. 

The essence of a perfect woman

I'd like to introduce a new concept: The theory of infatuations in relation to age.

Check that graph out, not only did I take more effort than I care to admit to make it, it's also the first picture of my blog. Anyway, this is my theory about how easily someone will get infatuated with a girl as time goes by. You see, we start out life as gutless hormone-less pre-adolescents with disdains for the female population. Time sets in, we grow older, stimulating chemicals engages our testicles into overdrive, suddenly we are not only drawn to girl, but need them to feel whole; thus begins the slow increase in the graph.

Not entirely sure about other countries or any special schools, but the vast majority of Singaporean boys would either get a girlfriend or not get a girlfriend (Maybe the minority are kidnap and sold to the sex trade, I don't know, don't question me smartass). The significance of this is that, every time a guy gets a girlfriend, the timer resets, suddenly he's back to his youthful self where he isn't compelled by his primal instincts to get a girlfriend...because he's already found one, recently. My time without a girlfriend is at 18 this year, and statistics has shown that an 18 year old relationship virgin would get 3 infatuations in a year.

Remember when I said that I went into AJC in the pursuit of this wonderful girl? Efforts were made, testicles were shrunk and the pursuit was fruitless. Going into a school for the reason of wooing a girl; probably not the wisest idea, especially if you aren't close to her to begin with. We chatted, smiled at each other, texted but the point is that we were still distant. Halfway through my first year I met this girl in my CCA that I still am thinking about till today. She isn't actually the one who got away, more of, the one who was let away (Picture a girl being chained down to two large balls, unable to run away, then picture the opposite).

Hold on, I came into the school being set on one girl, suddenly, I'm infatuated with another? Exactly. My 18 year old mind, riddled with cognitive dissonance thus fell back onto a long inculcated supporting belief: Follow your heart, choose one. Needless to say, WHAT KIND OF A BELIEF IS THAT? My directions changed every time I saw one of them, like a tug of war between two equal forces, making slight advances to one side, and then back again. Nothing of value was achieved, and then I got close to another girl....Not elaborating this one...Nope...I gotta get to the main topic of the post.

What exactly am I hoping for in my life? Hard to say, with the first girl I liked, I imagined a normal ordinary life, having fun everyday. I imagined a life travelling around the world with the second. And I imagined a thrill seeking life with the third. John Snow, the doctor that saved millions from the deathly hands of a Cholera outbreak a little less than 200 years ago, taught us to draw conclusions by drawing similarities from evidences. Doing that, I would say that my perfect life with a girl would be one that caters to her personality, making her happy via a way unique and effective to only her. Take that Sherlock.

Readers of this, and my last post would probably be expecting a list of things I want in a perfect woman any time now (Oh you're just waiting for the post to end? Well that's very nice of you, thank you). Regardless of my need to feel condescending sometimes, I do confess that I don't think I would want to spend time listing my hopes and dreams digitally. But I will reveal that, to most people, I am probably less conventional and more modern in my views on relationships, yes, that means, casual sex and a more technical view on things.

Though I may lie awake on my bed everyday thinking about how wonderful it is to find the woman of my dreams and settle down. That's probably not what I need right now, you know, you gotta access all the watermelons on sale before choosing the best one. You gotta survey the forest before you choose the best tree to build a tree house on...You gotta empty the oceans to be sure you have the fish you want. But enough with the symbolisms, perhaps all I want right now, is to just, survey the forest, and explore the oceans. Look for someone to have fun with. Which may explain why two of my favourite God-Mode songs are Bad by The Cab and Sweeter by Gavin Degraw (Step 1: Listen to them. Step 2: Who the hell cares! Nothing can stop you now!)

Did you notice the extremely high portion of the graph after a long time has passed? I'm 19 this year, that means that I still have 21 more years before I start falling in love with mannequins at UNIQLO just because they were kind enough to show people how clothes may look on them. Onwards.

The hunt for the perfect woman

Many a times people find themselves staring blankly onto their ceilings, wondering, what will my life partner be? Is there, just one perfect person in the overpopulated world that is fantastically wonderful enough for me to spend the rest of my life with? Some find themselves as Barney Stinson or Ted Mosby; combing through entire populations, trying people out in relationships until they find the one. Others tend to settle into bambi phase, remaining innocent until they're sure they've found the one for them (as in the case of many.....many, Singaporeans). But then again, how sure can the bambis know if they've truly found the right one?

"Huh? Why is this kid acting like he's got life figured out?" Look, I'm 18, never had a girlfriend, never lived a life away from my parents for more than a week, I think I've got life figured out. Ok? Irrational and ludicrous as that was, this is just, how I think the concept of a one true love is.
                                                                                                                                                                 
From the mouth of a comforting friend to the devastated newly-dumped wreck, "There are many fishes in the sea in a planet of 7 billion, somewhere out there, there's the perfect woman for you but she isn't that bitch that dumped your ass." Well what if the perfect one for you is trapped in a baby factory in Nigeria or busy wondering if she will be in the next Transformers movie (Megan Fox please come back)? I guess it is truly comforting and enchanting to believe in the "perfect one" concept but if H2 Economics has taught me anything, it would be that imperfect information exists in the real world and humans, no matter how curious they are, are susceptible to the principal of adequacy. (No, economics doesn't teach the principal of adequacy, I just came up with that. Calm yo tits, you'll do fine for your A levels)

How does a TV work? It receives signal from a channel broadcaster and translate that signal information into pictures and sound shown on the screen. How does the channel broadcaster send signals? Via large antennas and satellites that are able to send radio waves over vast distances. Suddenly, the principal of adequacy kicks in, and we feel like we understand how TV's show Spongebob and Ben 10 to keep our brains thoroughly entertained. We don't go on and ask, how are the signals translated into motion picture and sound? How is electricity converted to power the TV? The same applies when deciding someone is your happily ever after. We feel satisfied enough to propose to someone, just because she understands you, you can't stop thinking about her, she offers great sex. But could your soul mate be in actuality, another person that not only fulfils the stated 3 criteria, but also, happily serves you a beer during dinner?

No one knows exactly, how to determine if someone is their soul mate or not. (Nope, not even Google, not even your Mom). Will she make me a better person? Can he support me and the family in the future? Can she cook? Are these even the criteria of a perfect mate? Am I asking too many questions? Does anyone even read rhetorical questions when they're stated like this? Many of these criteria can be easily tested while dating, or even stalking someone (for you dirty little fellows), but many more assessments, in my opinion cannot be tested until you pass a point of no return.

I guess, I would say I'm a Ted Mosby, vaguely dreaming of a perfect wife, not wanting to settle over anything less. But at the same time I believe in what I've said thus far. In my 18 years of life, 3 girls have really smitten me, anyone of them would seem like a perfect girl for me, but the life envisioned with them are as different as each one of them are. Not saying that they're my golden minnows in the sea of fishes (Feeding Frenzy is a fun game) but they definitely seemed adequate to my senses so far.

But it's 3am in the morning and 24 hours after a zombifying night of drinking, I feel my brain going numb and my ability to make sense drifting away with my hope of finding my ....Cinderella (I'm running out of terms to call the perfect woman) But if anything, I feel scared, scared that I won't be able to find her before I'm 40, and scared that the principal of adequacy sticks it up my ass leaving me with just a silver minnow till my death. I don't know which is worse. But until then, I'll be listing, listing my criteria like your mom when deciding what sofa to buy for the new year, after being sleep deprived for two days, on her period.... The list's probably meant for another post.

Clubbing: Go high or go home

One of my after As goal was to learn to pick up girls, I haven't actually done anything Simple Pickup, but I did go to a club for the most recent new year. I guess like most first timers my goals were pretty simple; hook up with a girl. Not even close, I tried four times and got "no", "NO", *shakes head* and "fuck you!" as replies to my request for a new years kiss. CAN'T SAY I EXPECTED TO SUCCEED ON MY FIRST EXPERIENCE, or maybe it was because I had that mindset at the very beginning that I was not as successful as my partners for the night.

Regardless, "Experience is the teacher of all things" (I'm totally doubtful that Julius Caesar once said that, I mean, more than 2000 years ago... Don't they have Jesus Christ to crucify instead of writing down everything someone said?) and from that clubbing experience I have made a list of key pointers I have to remember on my next journey into cramped deafening dark realms known as clubs.

Pointer No. 1: Know Thy Enemy
It's a dog eat dog world out there, and anyone you don't know, is gonna eat you. Nah, I'm crapping, they won't eat you, neither are they dogs...but then again, you could liken any over-intoxicated human with any organism in the animal kingdom. Hang on to anyone you know if you're intimidated by the drunk crowd (that would probably be unaware of your presence) or if the alcohol in your body is evaporating through the very pores of your skin leaving you a deflated sack of awkwardness. Anyway, entering the club, you should probably note that most of the patrons are either working adults, in polytechnics, and probably, more experienced than you. This means, your witty comments and jokes aren't gonna work, no one's interested in your experience studying, and...nevermind, if you're thinking about this, you in da wrong neighbourhood.

Pointer No. 2: Screw God, Alcohol determines your fate tonight
Your chemistry teacher ever taught you that alcohol is a solution? Don't enter work life like most graduates, thinking that people never apply anything taught in school. Think back and be grateful for the day the education system taught you that beer, vodka, champagne, Jack Daniels are all answers to your oozing awkwardness.
I do, however, note that, there are three kinds of drunk people: Ones who go inexplicably high. Ones who go silent as if the very noise of a pin drop created by them would give a child cancer. And lastly, the boomers (Left 4 Dead Players would get this). Well if you are any of the last two...I'm really not sure, perhaps you can channel your inner Neil Strauss, get into God Mode, or something, just ensure, you live by pointer number three.

Pointer No. 3: A pussy does not get wet from begging
Stop acting disgusted by me, you know its true that when people go to clubs, guys PROBABLY want to be successful with a girl while girls, just wanna have fun. *Cue the 1980s funk* Don't be a try-hard, cos the harder you try, the harder things get. You keep trying, and soon, everything dries up; your energy to stay in the club, your self esteem, the pussies of all your targets. You know like what happens when you dry up pork strips? You get rock hard bacon, exactly my point. Except that it won't taste good, at all. Just, have fun....I went into the club, with the mindset of having a good time, socializing, making friends and I was successful at that. You don't have to get laid everytime you get into a club, you can't anyway.

I know right, "he's only been to a club once and he's acting like he knows it all". But do my pointers really not make sense? If not, then, Vodka, I bid thee, give me strength on the 29th.

Reboot 2.0

I just realized one rule of writing, a train of thought never remains in your mind for 3 days, especially if those 3 days involve mind numbing hours of Dota and physically enfeebling late night runs (technically it was just one run from midnight till 5am). 

But looking back at what I was writing; finishing my experiences of the past few years seem apt. 

Went to JC, met nice people, worked on my socializing skills, no more awkwardness with females (that is, unless I want to make them feel so). I'm thinking of compiling a list of pickup lines to use..hmmm.. and then I ended the year with the break from studying. 

Study break: Likewise for many people, my study break didn't match up to expectations. Same as most cowardly Singaporean students, I had plans to meet, go out and (please by the power of hope in god) make her my girl. Life doesn't work that way; she got together with someone while I was in Australia with my family, missing my Graduation night. Guess what ladies, I'm single and ready to mingle. 

So what else had I planned for myself? 

Hardcore limb-amputating heart exploding training in preparation for Commando camp on Feb 7:

Well I ran till I vomited yesterday and I no longer lose that fast in the push up game, so, I've got that.

Start making music covers with my JC friends:

lesson learnt, mahjiong cannot be won by waiting for your pair of eyes. Unchecked.

Picking up girls:

Does being rejected count? I'll elaborate on my clubbing experience.

Learn the guitar: 

Unchecked

Improve at Dota:

NOW I CAN BOAST THAT IVE INCREASED MY WIN LOSS RATIO TO A POSITIVE. I need more of a life that goes beyond respawning and dying, respawning, dying, rinse, repeat...Check.

Psychologists say that there are 3 components to motivation that are really important to make you accomplish such goals: Activation, Persistence and Intensity. God bless Google, may you continue to provide millions of adolescents pictures of boobs. Amen. (Did I say boobs? I meant jeans shaking information)

Anyway, my point is, without Activation there will be nothing, without any extrinsic or intrinsic rewards, there will be no Activation. I may be finding excuses and all, but, just like studying for JC, I just can't sense a tangible reward. Except for Dota where I get to own people, hence the check.

Read recently that behavioural analysts have channelled their skills and knowledge (that are probably found on Google) into the commercial market to learn how to use our subconscious mind to pull money right from under our noses. From what I know, everything we do, is led by habits, ingrained attitudes taught from young UNLESS something about the habit changes. Everything about psychology is made of 3 parts; a habit is the same: Stimulus, Action, Reward.

A stimulus could be anything in your life. The clock ticking noon could stimulate you to find lunch as a habit to reward yourself with good food. Waking up remembering that A levels is coming might stimulate you to go study for the reward of good grades. (I don't know if I'm getting this right, but tell me psychologist, which number from 1 to 10 am I thinking of now?) 

My point is, when an individual experiences a life changing event, getting pregnant (according to that article I read) or, finishing A levels, lifestyles change, habits are lost and free to be re-....inscribed onto our neuro-network. Somewhere in the past year my short term motivated brain decided to make myself into a better person, and I gotta wait for one of these life-changing events to be most effective in completing my study break plans. NS here I come... change my life. 

And by the way psychologist, I was thinking of the number 8. 

Reboot

A lot has changed since my last posts that I have since deleted. Why delete, you may ask. Everyone cringes looking at many things they have done in the past, and then I wondered, why?

Personality Sculpting. Throughout life we are constantly influenced by things, people and all kinds of shit around us which influences our personality, our character. The way we think, the way we perceive or react to different things. I guess, that's what happen during the last time i posted and now, probably a 6 year difference. Resulting 2014 me thinking 2008 me was dumb, maybe in 2020 when I'm reading this I may just do the same. 

Reminiscing what has changed my personality so far though, I realize a large part of my life changed within these 6 years. Puberty for one, blessed me with the height to tower over others and kiss girls one step up the escalator, sometimes two. Got my first major crush that taught me not to be a pussy (after being one tho), up till today I guess we can still be considered as friends...but only if you lower your criteria of what you call a friend. Then haha, Secondary to Jc transition, big changes everywhere. Ever heard of paradox of choice? Good grades lead to me being able to choose most, if not all JCs. But I had only two in mind, follow the girl I fancied to AJ, or my friends to PJ. Such a big decision in a Singaporean child's life (probably one of the few life decisions Singaporean children get to choose) but I made my decision on 3 reasons. 

1. The Bro Code may state Bros before Hoes and all, but Article 1 does mention that the code is not applicable if the bro has been experiencing a dry spell for more than 3 months. I've had a dry spell, for 16 years at that time. And well, its 18 now.

2. Well we always choose the better choice on paper right?

3. Me and ma bros ain't gonna fade in just two years when we're still taking the same exams and living in such proximity, ain't no way.

Perhaps some careful on-field research may have been necessary, but I followed the girl to AJ (if it wasn't already apparent). The following 2 years turned out to be the most stressful years of my life, so far. But hey, life motto-no regrets. I would have probably retained in PJ and the new principal of AJ definitely improved the AJ culture, making me optimistic for AJ's future.

Moreover, in AJ, my social circle definitely widened and I got to do things I definitely could not do in PJ. Performing as a band with my friends multiple times are definitely goanna be on my list of deathbed memories. Not forgetting, meeting this wonderful girl. 

This is beginning to seem like a long post despite me being a inexperience blogger. I'll leave the rest of this train of thoughts for another post.