Boy: I love you.

  *silence*

Boy: You are my life, my sun and stars. My everything.

  *silence*

Boy: If only you could just......

Mom: For Christ's sake Gary, how many times have I told you. STOP TALKING TO YOUR PIZZA

2 years of national service

Alas, 2 years have come and gone by, and my national service days are over. To some, the army may have been harsh and relentless with its unintelligible methods and paramount propensity for sliding tackles (Army lingo here). While to others, it was simply an obstacle; one that has to be probed in order to find its weaknesses to exploit.
I don't know. To me, army seemed to me like just another phase of life that is easier done than said. Yes, the exercises were tough and I truly hated some of the work I did. Yes, there were times where others severely out shined me and I felt like I was out of my depth. But all things considered, it really, wasn't as hard as I thought it out to be. Thank God for MINDEF, and thank god, for the countless comrades, family members, and superiors that not only made it easier, but contributed to the many memories that I would be sure to carry to my deathbed.

Now I know that this may not be my usual post, but, just bear with my femininity for a while okay?

If there was one thing that BMT truly taught me, would be how slow I am in adapting to new social environments. Week after week, I tried my best but all I really was was being rather awkward. Being overshadowed by those stronger than me (something so superficial) was something I would later learn to mock and blame my substandard Platoon Commander for (not shown in picture; typical). Despite this, I would never lament the school's decision to make me a weapon men. This was all possible thanks to my BMT mates and for that, I thank them.

Thank you AWMP course, that allowed me to make my third appearance on national TV. 

And thank you, Sergeant Major, especially, for being as passionate as you are. For trading me into your company which literally saved my whole NS life. And for recognizing my efforts for the company.

Thank you weapon men, for accepting me into your awesome brotherhood. You guys are the reason that I will never regret being a weapon men. The reason why I believe coming to 1st company was the definite better choice. The biggest fraternity in the company, the weakest hierarchy of sai kang warriors but definitely; a respected vocation in the company.

Special thanks to Jin Kiat, really; for joining the armskote. At the start of training, I wasn't close to the weapon men at all. Neither were you close to Ian and the 2nd company armskote men. I saw no reason why you would want to join the armskote of all the other SMARTAL choices. Yet, you did, and you definitely contributed a hell lot. God knows what I would have done if you hadn't joined and I wouldn't dare imagine it either. Thanks.

Remember leaving the armskote only when the coy has slept? Waking up before the coy woke?

Working while everyone else were resting after 35km? Falling asleep in the armskote, still dirty? Packing weapons into ops boxes till the coy woke for the next day's breakfast? Thanks for the memories.

From the secondary school years, all the way to now. Thanks for the friendship. While the other armskote men had unsupportive detachment mates that made them have to micro-manage their equipment when rushing to begin an exercise, I had you both. Truthfully I was guilty for accepting your help with all that you guys have to deal with, but you guys persisted. You guys the real MVP. Thanks for challenging me to be a better person, a better soldier that will try my best to help others and contribute whether I'm expected to or not. For challenging me to take up the armskote position when I was doubtful. For assuring me, that I was not in out of my depth. 

Honorable mention to boonkiat and eeron for the friendship. 

Boonkiat: Genuine, altruistic, dedicated. I think it's really hard to be able to find someone like boonkiat who's so pure and hard working at the same time.You truly opened my eyes to what people are capable of and even though my conversations with you rarely last beyond two words (or three, if your name is disjointed), I treasure the companionship you have spent with me. Teaching me, to try and be a better soldier, son, and HOPEFULLY BETTER BOYFRIEND OH GOD PLEASE GOD.

Eeron: Same same, but different. I feel that you and I have lots of things in common, like our pretentiousness among people. Our desire to be liked by peers. Yet we couldn't have a more different way of decisions. Remember Hari raya? or Bintan. I developed a hatred for useless people, while you stayed nice to everyone, occasionally. And if theres one thing I wouldn't forget was when you invited me onto the thailand trip despite me not being in the chat. Thanks

Last but not least, no dedication post could be made without the addition of the friends and family that were there long before any of this happened.

My father, who offers to drive me to camp, whether I ask him to or not, regardless of the time, nor whether he has work the next day.

My mother, who washes my clothes for me during the weekends because I'm too much of a useless cunt to do my own laundry.

And the Swiss Cottage gang, that went with me to Taiwan before all this started. Supporting each other, showing off about the shit we do for the country.  Yes, that is me, still wishing for a girlfriend on the sky lantern.






Damn that was corny. Hope to see you guys before I embark onto Tasmania. Bye.

Once in a blue moon WTF thought of the day

If injustice represents a lack of justice. Incomplete; a lack of completion. And inability; the lack of ability.

Is ingenious therefore, a lack of "genius-ness"? Or is "genious" derived from another word of which I do not know exist?  The latter seem more likely to be true given my INcapacity for words. But lets humor me and assume the former for a moment.

However:

ingenious

adjective

1. (of a person) clever, original, and inventive.

Perhaps the most original, most inventive, most... ... creative people, are the very ones we deem to be the least intelligent. The quiet loner, the awkward child, the abnormal person, the disabled. What if the greatest advances begins with us understanding how to communicate with ourselves? For us to hear the thoughts of everyone indiscriminately. 

After all, IN-telligence could also represent a lack of ... ... something. 

lol.

Fear

Universal, yet bounded by the very principles through which it propagates. It reduces nations down to mere shadows of their former selves, while being fundamental to their conception in the first place. Knowing no discrimination, it plagues all. From the most robust of men to the pure innocent child. From the most complex of men (and even perhaps entity) to the simple insect. Even the powerless near-death elderly nor the influential untouchable elites of society are not spared. It is, the bringer of death yet a giver of mercy. The mind-killer, the unchallenged dictator, the great illusionist: Fear.

To many, this may not seem like much of a surprise despite my attempt to exaggerate the morbid abilities of fear (but hey, points for trying?). After all, history and our ever-credible new age media has largely ingrained and propagated the influence fear has on the world.
When the first men roamed Earth, social ties and behaviors were relatively simpler and all that plagued men's minds was the most primal quintessential fear - the fear of death. As mankind progressed, minds diversified, cities were developed while fear, evolved. Men started fearing authority from other men of influence and divine will from gods of religion. Of course, the pervasive fear of death remained but now with an inclusion of close ones.
Then, technology developed and weapons of conflict were created out of a fear of conflict. Human behavior became more intricate, and so did fear. Fear of the murdering supernatural forces people under their blankets or toward their altars while the same fear compels them to enter horror houses for thrills. Whole nations have gone to war over fears of lack of resources, while at the same time, wars have been stopped over the very same fear.
Everyday, new potential devastating steps are being made either toward or away from a collapse of the world-as-we-know-it; all due to fear (or sexual tension, as Barney Stinson says). So, was I attempting to simply exaggerate the morbid abilities of fear, or was I doing it so you would overlook the extent of it. Surprised now?

(Okay, I may have confused myself there.)

Psychologists today have characterized different kinds of fear into five fundamental ones. Listed in order from physical fears to more psychological ones, they are: The fear of extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation and ego-death.
The fear of extinction or mutilation, for elaboration, deals with fears towards things like height, water, death. I would also put the fear of the supernatural under these; I mean, why would you fear a ghost that just wants to drink tea with you?
Then as we go along the list, we have the fear of a loss of autonomy, meaning a fear for losing ones freedom, be it being physically paralyzed, or just being controlled in a societal context. Not forgetting the fear of separation and ego-death, which scares people more psychologically like the fear of being alone, of humiliation, of rejection.
Finally! We, humans, are able to get scared, and know what kind of fright we are experiencing! What an amazing time to be alive! Now all we have to do, is figure out the moves and counter-moves against our deepest darkest fears, and then we can devote our time to solving other problems like how to get our fast food delivered, without having to open the door or pay extra cost.

I'm not a courageous man. I'm really not. I could tell you many things I've done that may make me sound otherwise but that would be irrelevant in my opinion. Different fears plague the lives of different men and fear, is relative, What may seem like a frightening physics defying stunt to a spectator could be just another days work for the circus performer. Just like performing a rock concert may be a nightmare for a quiet shy introvert but not the lead singer of 30 Seconds To Mars (Why? because Jared Leto's a legend). Courage doesn't lie in doing things that intimidate others, it lays within the things that frighten you most.

And what frightens me the most?
Like most people, I too, am scared by the usual. Start of with appetizers of horror stories and low lighting in the middle of the night, then begin the main course when your senses go into overdrive and you over interpret the softest of sounds. Then go on to the dessert when your mom walks into your room suddenly and SCARES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU. GOD DAMN IT MOM STOP COMING IN LIKE THAT.
I digress; I used to think that my primary fear was of attention. Being in front of large groups of people, all eyes on you, judging, waiting for you to reveal what kind of a disappointment you really are. But recently, I don't believe that anymore. I like attention, I crave being the guy everyone knows, the excitement of being the center of attraction, the life of the party. What I fear instead, is rejection.
I don't fear the many singing performances that I've had in my life, I fear people not liking my performance. I fear, not being accepted after a university interview, and I've done all I can, to avoid any interviews. I fear, that a girl would not reciprocate my feeling for her, and despite my outward desperation for a relationship, I know that deep down I will avoid any less-than-three hoo-has.

I was recently successful in my application for Medicine in an overseas university, and now I fear failure..... Going to an unknown place, new people, new teaching methods, new expectations. I fear the look of rejection on my families face should I be unable to keep up with anything there. I fear the rejection of people towards how I behave, and I fear that when I come back, everything would be different, in a vast and daunting new way.
But the same heat that makes the potato soft, turns the egg hard and fear, is just an intangible idea. The ghost making strange noises outside isn't wearing a red dress with long overflowing hair, it cannot rattle cups nor close doors, and when you peek out into your living room, you'll realize that there's nothing but abstract, non-existent fear there. Or you'll realize that it's your mom doing shit in the middle of the night again.

I guess, only time will prove if I'm just a useless potato, or an egg.

ONE BOYFRIEND FOR SALE

Hey, what's going on? My name's Aaron. Throughout my life, I try to take everything on the lighter, more humorous side, not saying that I'd like to take the cup for being half full; I prefer being a realist. I only have 250ml of water in that 500ml cup. However, what's the fun in drinking that water if you don't mix some syrup in it, or spit it at some asshole.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush and make this sound weirder than it already sounds. If I forwarded this to you, then you already know, that I'm interested in you. And if you weren't linked to this by me, then I want you to know, that I am, sociable, accepting, and simply, just looking for company to explore all there might be to life.

I attended school in Kranji primary, went to Swiss Cottage Secondary and then to Anderson Junior College. That's for the budding years of my life, where I've been relatively sheltered and confined to a half of Singapore. I could tell you, that I (like all boys) wanted to be an astronaut when I was young. Then somewhere along my coming of age, I wanted to be some cool scientist, and then a president. I could tell you, that with all those childhood aspirations aside, I am now, aiming to be a doctor, specifically a diagnostician, with a MD rank. Something like that, but basically nothing I couldn't tell you if you choose to go on a first date with me.

I could also guess that you are probably independent, bubbly, open, attractive and just probably interesting. Nothing that I could say that would make me sound like a douche that reuses the same pickup line again and again, but this is after all, a generalized letter, on the internet. But if I wanted you to read this post, then you are definitely an interesting person whom I want to meet and get to know.

Newton's flaming laser sword is a philosophical razor with the principle that says that what cannot be proven by experiment is not worth debating whether true or not. If you are as wonderful as you are for me to send you this letter then I don't want us to simply speculate if we were as cool as we think each other to be. Let's try for sure, it could be fun, what's there to lose?

New year, New Resolutions

Some strive to improve themselves through a series of self-inflicted challenges. Some believe that they were conjured to fulfill a certain enigmatic purpose of life. Whereas some simply struggle between the constant battle of life and death so barely that they simply resent the very "gift" of life. But you, the one reading this, you don't relate to this, you've barely seen death outside your science fiction marvel movies. (Fine, who am I to judge, your life is so tough with your overbearing parents not giving you enough freedom and instead confining you to your dreadful room fully equipped with a laptop and functioning air condition. Arrest me.)

What I'm trying to say, is that at some point of your budding (or ending) life, surely being literate has gifted you with enough of a self-consciousness to question your existence... (Of course, I'm not saying that you have to be able to count to 10 to achieve a greater degree of self-awareness; satori has been achieved by many unlearned individuals.) And with that questioning, comes a realization; a realization that perhaps compels you to find a purpose in life that appeals to you.

On the other hand, if you actually haven't questioned your life in such a way before (these things come as some sort of an epiphany anyway, and many a times while you are drunk), or you are some self-righteous nihilistic person. Let me appeal to you that though it may seem straight-forward and justified to simply conclude that we, humans, are simply miraculous wonders of chemistry that exist because there was an infinite number of trial and errors in the primordial soup that resulted in us. It is a fact, that these millions of centuries of trial and error has given us an overly-evolved brain; one that requires extensive stimulation and purpose to be something other than a brain dead individual.

That being said, finding a purpose in life in such a short span of time, especially if you are my age would not only be doubtful but highly likely to be ill-conceived. Cross that out. Focus on the other part instead: Stimulation (and something other than endless debauchery). The engagement of ones mind such that every connection, every neural pathway is engaged and strengthened... But how does one achieve constant stimulation that reaches even the most shrouded and obscure reaches of our minds?

Well, in my opinion, leading a purposeful way of life seems like a good start. That, though, is not to be confused with a life of extreme-altruism as some may falsely assume, you're not Oliver Queen or some humanoid Arceus. Such "purpose" varies between individuals, it speaks to you, representing you, your passions, and in my opinion, who you would want to be if you had a limitless amount of energy everyday.

Let's say your passion lies in music, very well, then go for it, take every step you feel is required such that 5; 10 years down the road, you'd have achieved what you wanted your life to be. Confucius once said, "Make the most of everyday" (He didn't say that, but I'm sure there a Chinese saying that means that). The problem with such a dynamic lifestyle however, is its sustainability. Like what they say, "Its hard to score a goal when you can't even see the post." (Or, something like that, I'm sure there's some Chinese saying that means that.) It's easy to lose focus; to fall into the spiral of a passive lifestyle where your neural pathways go limp and zombified.

Recently... Okay, not so recently, a realization hit me while I was doing nothing in life. I am in that spiral. Though not in that stereotypical highly repetitive lifestyle where one does the same thing everyday, every week for me is generally the same. Serve the nation, rush for bookout, spend the weekend comforting myself, rinse and repeat. Slowly my neural network diminishes, situational awareness drops, cognitive ability fails, attention span truncated and self-control, virtually non-existent. And if you think I may be over-dramatizing things, just note that I've been writing this post over a span of 10 weeks.

I want to become a doctor. I want to learn to drive. I want to master the guitar. I want to buy a house, before I hit 25. But all my will and drive to accomplish such things, are simply thwarted by my lack of self-control, my pity for thyself and all in all my superior procrastination skills. Well actually, now that I think of it, add in the illusion that everything will be better than what my cognitive mind expects.

Break the cycle. I have exactly 2 months until I finish ATEC, and a month after that when I finish my last overseas trip that marks the end of my busy period in NS. That, would be my dateline. The dateline where I start taking steps toward my goals and away from the self-rendered stand-still where I was ever since NS started. I'm a big boy now, and what I'm doing right now, is not sustainable for the future. The spiral is gonna consume me, destroy me, engulf me in nothing but sorrow till the end of all days. (Yes, that is a little over-dramatizing. But if I may, play End of All Days by 30 Seconds to Mars right now and read that again...I know, right.) So, with all the bullshit being said, here goes my resolution, that the last 8 months of NS would be nothing but strong determination to fulfill my goals and claw my way out of this spiral.

And should I decide to let this comfortable stale ground suck me in instead; God find me the Ark of Covenant for the pace of this vast dog-eat-dog world, I heard, is nothing but unforgiving.